Vaudevillain

I Mustache You A Question (9)

The Jacques saluted at Mabel's orders, making their way over to the broken part of the stage. The three minions nearby walked to the edge of the hole in the set, leaning over for a better look. Two of the Jacques looked at each other, jerking their heads to try and tell the other to go down first. The third Jacques leaned down farther, swinging its torso under the stage peer into the darkness below.

The two Jacques became more aggressive in their head jerks, neither wanting to be the first to explore under the stage. With the two Jacques arguing, neither noticed the third Jacques suddenly gone from its position. They only realized the disturbance when something grabbed onto each Jacques's leg.

They found two large fists, one wrapped around each Jacques. The two minions again looked at each other, this time in fear. The hands yanked the two Jacques below the stage, both minions silently screaming as they descended against their will. Mabel and Dr. Zlo didn't notice the problem; their minds focused on getting the show back in order. So it came as a surprise to Mabel when Freddy Roosevelt exploded out from under the stage, a Jacques in each hand.

"Oh, dear," Mabel said.

Dr. Zlo watched in surprise as their former captive swung the Jacques like hammers, knocking them into Mabel and sending her flying into the seats. A mighty crash rang through the theater, and Dr. Zlo saw a flash of light.

"Mabel!" the villain shouted.

"She's alright!" Cass yelled back from his place in the rafters. "Your teleporter activated!"

"What?" Dr. Zlo said incredulously. "You mean that throw was enough to activate my reset button?"

"Seems like it, boss," Cass answered.

Dr. Zlo furrowed his brows, remembering the description he used for the reset button.

A device made by Dr. Zlo to protect his more important minions. When taking fatal damage, this machine activates to send the minion back to Dr. Zlo's hideout, safe from harm but a little singed. After all, who said teleporter technology had to be safe?

Angry at losing his best combat minion, Dr. Zlo whipped out his cane and pulled off his dueling gloves. He stumbled a second as he turned to throw his gadgets; Freddy had grown! The man was now a good torso higher than Dr. Zlo and three times as muscular.

"Don't think a small blow like that will prevent the will of the people!" Freddy exclaimed.

Dr. Zlo gaped. The man had superpowers! Something that made him stronger over time, or made him stronger the more he said will of the people. Upset that he missed that the man was a hero, Dr. Zlo looked around for someone to blame. Luckily, Quartet had finally made his way back onto the stage.

"Quartet! Why didn't you tell me one of our contestants had superpowers!" Dr. Zlo berated.

"How is that my fault!" the minion complained. "Mabel's the one who captured him!"

"That's no excuse!" Dr. Zlo said. "If you want to be a leader, you have to be on top of these things! Now, come help me stop this mustached hero, or else we'll never get to show off how great my plan is!"

Grumbling, Quartet split back into four people, his clothes tattered from the earlier fight. Dr. Zlo threw his dueling gloves and released some of his nanite gel, forming it into a ball above him. The gloves rushed toward Freddy, spinning around like a cartoon boxer ready to punch.

Quartet started to sing again, his destructive voice harmonizing and tearing up more of the stage.

"Quartet!" Dr. Zlo yelled. "If you break any more of the stage, our game show ratings are going to tank! No one wants to see a dirty stage."

Huffing, Quartet changed keys, sending pulsing blasts of sound at Freddy instead of the maelstrom of destruction. The powered man rushed into the shots, shrugging them off like bugs on a windshield. The dueling gloves went in for an uppercut, clocking Freddy in the jaw. The man hardly reacted, his head only jerking slightly. The second glove attempted a kidney punch, but Freddy's muscles blocked the blow.

"What is he made of?" Dr. Zlo complained, whipping his cane forward to send his nanite ball on a crash course.

Quartet helped by enhancing the ball, switching keys again. Dr. Zlo watched as the ball started to shake, then grinned as razor-sharp spikes began to poke out of the weapon. Finally, they had something that Freddy couldn't take on the chin.

Their foe knew it as well, and Dr. Zlo watched as the hulking man twisted his torso to avoid the nanite ball. Dr. Zlo flicked his cane again, waving it around like a conductor. The Dueling gloves kept up their assault, aiming at Freddy's joints to keep him unbalanced. With one more flick, Dr. Zlo sent the ball spinning into his enemy's back and smirked at the grunt of the pain that came after.

"I knew you weren't completely invincible," Dr. Zlo commented. "But you are more durable than the average hero I contend with."

A few more flicks of his cane sent the ball rolling across Freddy, scraping the man's back and legs to send him to his knees. The final two Jacques popped out at that moment, a length of rope running between them. With a quick dash around Freddy, the two minions secured the politician once more, though Dr. Zlo helped by using his nanite gel for good measure.

"Well, that's enough of an intermission, don't you think?" Dr. Zlo said to the audience. "Give us one more minute, folks, and we'll be back with the grand finale!"

The curtains on both sides of the theater closed, leaving the captive audience alone with the remaining Jacques. Distressed murmurs came from the crowd; their hopes dashed from Freddy's loss. A few Jacques patrolled the area, slapping around the paparazzi if they got out of line or if they felt like it.

Behind the curtains, Dr. Zlo ordered Quartet and the remaining Jacques to fix the stage.

"Or at least make it adequate," the villain said.

The two Jacques hopped to it, rushing to grab buckets of paint the same color as the theater. Quartet rolled his eyes (all eight of them) and made his way over to the spare wood. Humming a few tunes, the minion shaved the planks down to their correct size, tossing them to the Jacques before they could start painting. Nodding their understanding, the Jacques grabbed the planks and started to place them in the holes.

A few minutes later, the group had finished their work, and Dr. Zlo had strapped Freddy to his Shave-O-Tron.

"Places, everyone!" Dr. Zlo shouted. The Jacques jumped to their feet, running into each other before they made their way offstage.

Tacky game show music played again, and the curtains parted to show Dr. Zlo standing over Freddy, strapped to the Shave-O-Tron.

"Welcome back, everyone!" Dr. Zlo shouted to the crowd. "Because of our rude interruption by one of the contestants, we're forced to speed up our process! Unfortunately for Freddy, his actions have earned him three strikes, which means he's out!"

The buzzer sounded twice, and two more X's appeared over the captive's previous position.

"And you all know what that means!"

The crowd cheered, Cass activating a track up in the rafters. Those in the actual seats below were too horrified to speak.

"That's right! It's time to Shave! That! Mustache!"

Confetti blasted out of a hidden cannon behind the stage, and more tacky music played from the speakers.

Dr. Zlo turned to Freddy, "Any last words before that peach fuzz leaves your face?"

"You won't get away with this!" Freddy shouted.

"But I am!" Dr. Zlo countered. The villain threw a switch on the side of the Shave-O-Tron, and the gadget sprang to life.

Slowly, the machine clamped a vice around Freddy's head, locking him down. Two metal coils sprang out, one holding a can of shaving cream and the other a barber's razor. A jaunty tune started to play, and the arms began to bounce in time. A third arm sprang out, holding a taut leather honing belt. The razor hand started to run its blade along the leather, swiping it up and down in time with the music.

A fourth hand emerged from the machine, holding onto a shaving brush as it bobbed up and down. The arm with the shaving cream sprayed its contents onto the brush, and the arm went to work spreading the substance over Freddy's face. Dr. Zlo tapped along with his foot, his head slightly bobbing to the jaunty music. Quartet hummed along behind him, the man's four bodies harmonizing to give the song a barbershop sound.

Once the machine finished layering shaving cream onto Freddy, the two arms responsible retreated back into the Shave-O-Tron. The arm holding the belt followed shortly after, leaving only the razor out.

"Now, keep very still," A clipped mechanical voice said from the Shave-O-Tron. "This is a delicate process, and we don't want to ruin that pretty face of yours."

The razor slowly lowered, building tension as it inched closer to Freddy's face. The jaunty music changed, growing in intensity until the blade almost touched the NPC.

At that moment, a beam of white static pierced through the blade, disintegrating it and the stage behind.

"You won't be changing anyone's style today, Dr. Zlo!" a voice yelled from above.

Dr. Zlo whirled, his eyes tracking a figure landing in front of him. "Ah, Valiant!" the villain said. "I was wondering when you would show to crash my party."