Vaudevillain

I Mustache You A Question (10)

Valiant, the hero, landed in front of Dr. Zlo, Cass in hand.

"Sorry, boss," the minion said. "I tried to stop him."

Valiant tossed Cass to Dr. Zlo, the silver butler landing in at the villain's feet. The minion's suit coat lay in tatters, revealing Cass's white button-down. A pair of suspenders holding something like a utility belt wrapped around the minion's shoulders, each pouch opened and empty.

"Sorry about the rough treatment," Valiant said. "But last time you had your minion hold onto some gadgets I wasn't prepared for. Couldn't have it happening again."

"Do you honestly have nothing better to do than thwart my plans?" Dr. Zlo asked. "How many times is it now?"

"At least five, maybe six," Valiant said. "I lost count after I stopped your ridiculous rabbit heist."

"Controlling small furry creatures to steal is a perfectly respectable plan!" Dr. Zlo argued. "No one can help but stop and ogle at their cuteness, making them the perfect creatures for theft!"

"I'll take your word for it," Valiant said. "Now, release these prisoners."

"I haven't even finished the show!" Dr. Zlo argued.

"Oh, come off it," Valiant shot back. "We both know you're going to declare yourself the winner after arbitrarily deciding questions."

Dr. Zlo gave a shocked look, placing a hand on his chest as if shot through the heart, "Am I truly so predictable?"

Valiant waved a hand, "Don't take offense. You were predictable from your first crime."

"How dare you!" Dr. Zlo cried. A ring of red formed around Dr. Zlo's monocle, firing a laser at the hero.

Valiant lazily brought his hand up as if expecting the blow. The laser died on a shimmering shield, the energy absorbed into Valiant for later use.

"Like I said," the hero commented. "Predictable."

"I'll show you predictable," Dr. Zlo grumbled, releasing all his nanite gel from his cane. The shimmering grey ooze spun around Dr. Zlo, solidifying into razor-sharp rings that hovered over the villain's head. Dr. Zlo then flicked a switch hidden under his tie, which changed the red circle around his monocle to a deep blue.

"Behold the might of my genius!" Dr. Zlo shouted.

A blue beam shot out from the villain's monocle, racing straight toward Valiant. A flick of his cane sent the rings of nanites spinning toward Valiant, their razor edges ready to slice into the man. Valiant brought his shield up to bear, letting the blue beam impact his protection while he ran forward.

Instantly, the hero noticed something wrong. As the blue beam struck Valiant's shield, the shimmering protection shrunk, then disappeared altogether.

"What the f*ck?" cursed the hero.

Reacting on instinct, Valiant dove to the side, narrowly avoiding the incoming rings.

"The f*ck did you do to my shield?" Valiant asked.

"Ah, I did miss your crass language," Dr. Zlo said as he fired another blue beam.

Valiant rolled to the side, popping to his feet as Dr. Zlo's razor rings whipped toward him. Valiant again conjured his shield, making sure to keep the blue beam away from him.

"Seriously, what the f*ck did you do?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Dr. Zlo said. He flicked another ring toward Valiant to keep him busy while he explained. "You didn't think I would always let you hold your power to block energy over me, did you? After the fourth or fifth time we fought, I decided I'd had enough. I needed to find something that worked against you."

Dr. Zlo sent another ring Valiant's way, "At first, I thought of using your power against you. After all, it would be a trivial affair to copy such simplistic powers. But I am Dr. Zlo! Criminal mastermind! And simplistic is not my forte."

"I'll say," Valiant grunted as he stopped another ring.

"I'll admit," Dr. Zlo said, backing away as Valiant made a charge forward, "I did shy away from the idea in part because of you. Imagine how insufferable you would be, knowing that I copied you. No, I couldn't bear the thought! Therefore, I went another route."

"Oh?" Valiant said, finally getting his hands on one of the rings. A quick use of his power disintegrated the weapon, leaving only ash behind.

Dr. Zlo frowned but continued his monologue, "Yes, another route was necessary. I tried simple disintegration beams at first, but those are derivative of your ability, and therefore too close to you. Something more solid came second, but the thought of having a gun embedded in a monocle seemed more deadly to myself than others. No, eventually, I realized I had to change my thinking. I went back to the drawing board, listing out your abilities. What I found was fascinating."

"Great, you're a stalker now," Valiant quipped.

"Ah, if only you fought as well as you talked," Dr. Zlo rebutted. "Alas, we can't all have the gift of speech. But, I'm getting off-topic."

Dr. Zlo returned his remaining rings, not wanting them to fall to Valiant. Instead, the villain started blasting his new energy beam.

A unique design, created by the ingenious Dr. Zlo! This device, integrated into Dr. Zlo's monocle, fires a beam that sucks up the energy around it, using it to propel it forward. Don't wonder how it works; the inner workings of Dr. Zlo's mind are an enigma.

Laser Monocle (1)

You Don't Matter Poster (1)

Turtle (1)

DSL Router (1)

Refrigerator (1)

Thermometer (1)

Sciencium (5 g)

"I realized, all of your power comes from draining energy," Dr. Zlo said as he unleashed his weapon. "So, what would happen if I made a beam that ate energy?"

Ray after ray of Dr. Zlo's newest invention flew toward Valiant, forcing the hero to retreat from the stage and into the audience below. One beam almost reached the hero as he ran, but Valiant pulled a Jacques into the path at the last second. The blue energy soaked into the Jacques like water, and Valiant's eyes widened in surprise as the minion visibly aged. A moment later, the Jacques stood wrinkled and hunched over, the minion somehow finding a funnel to hold to its ear like an old hearing aid.

"Oh, yes," Dr. Zlo said. "It also has a nasty side effect of aging whatever it hits. I'm not sure how that came about, but it's interesting enough, so I kept it."

Valiant didn't respond, ducking behind the audience seats to hide from Dr. Zlo. A stray anti-energy ray hit one of the reporters, aging the man beyond his years.

"Hiding now, are we?" Dr. Zlo said. "What happened to predictable, Valiant!"

"Shut up," the hero whispered.

Dylan laughed, his voice maniacal. He and Valiant had performed this song and dance a few times now, the hero acting as Dr. Zlo's nemesis on more than one occasion. It had taken a bit to learn the hero's name, but once the two got acquainted, they found out they had a lot in common. Despite Valiant's crass nature, the man played video games to have fun. It was a shame that the hero tended to go overboard when he felt someone was taking that fun from him or others.

"Fine then, Valiant!" Dr. Zlo shouted throughout the theater. "If you won't reveal yourself, I guess I'll have to start shaving a few more mustaches! And isn't it a shame, my Shave-O-Tron Three Thousand seems to have lost a razor. I guess I'll have to use a duller blade. And you know how uncomfortable those can be!"

Dr. Zlo turned to his Jacques, commanding them to bring Wyapp toward the chair. Freddy, still bound, struggled as Dr. Zlo neared but ultimately couldn't escape. The villain pushed the man off the chair, watching as the politician fell to the ground with a thud.

"You know," Dr. Zlo said to Freddy as he strapped Wyapp in. "I feel like we could have been friends. It's too bad you're an anomaly of a politician. I mean, really, breaking up corruption instead of profiting from it? Such a strange notion."

"It is the duty of a leader to lead in an upright and just fashion," Freddy groaned out.

"How drab," Dr. Zlo said. "Quartet, get this man out of here, would you? We'll save his shave for last."

Quartet hummed a tune, using the sound to pick up Freddy. He deposited the captive behind the stage, spending extra time to ensure the man's restraints held fast. Quartet didn't want to head back to his boss too fast, lest Dr. Zlo asked him to go searching for Valiant in the crowd.

Back on stage, Dr. Zlo strapped Wyapp to the Shave-O-Tron and flipped the switch. The machine's various shaving arms popped out, one of which held nothing in hand. Instead, the appendage twisted to a jagged point, the result of Valiant's attack on the device.

"Now, I'm afraid this shave will be a bit... close," Dr. Zlo said to Wyapp.

"If I had my gun," the lawman growled.

Dr. Zlo pat the man on his cheek, "Be a good hostage, and you might get it back. Though, that might be after the Shave-O-Tron rearranges your face."

A jaunty tune started to play again, the shaving machine bobbing in time. Dr. Zlo tapped along with his foot, keeping his eyes on the audience.

"Better hurry, Valiant!" the villain shouted. "Or else Wyapp here might have to eat through a straw in the future!"