Vaudevillain

I Mustache You a Question (11)

Valiant cursed under his breath. Of all the days to fight Dr. Zlo without Ixzay. Tightening his eyes in concentration, the hero ran through his options in his head. His stream scrolled to the left, commenting on the new weapon in Dr. Zlo's hands.

Matt-att opened his inventory, pulling out the various tools Valiant accumulated over the months in his fight against Dr. Zlo. The villain always had a new weapon on hand, meaning the streamer had to come up with new answers every time they met. Sometimes, the solution was simple Like the incident where Dr. Zlo tried to make a mind-control device that couldn't get through aluminum foil. It was a good thing Matt's stream was in first person. Otherwise, he would have never heard the end of it when he had to wear that aluminum hat.

Today was one of the complex days. Dr. Zlo's newest invention hard-countered Valiant's power, and it tickled Matt's game-design senses.

"Hard counters are such bullsh*t," the streamer complained, ignoring his own power's nature.

When someone on the stream commented the fact, Matt-att stopped his crawl back to Dr. Zlo and argued his case.

"No see, my power has pretty severe drawbacks. Sure, it's upgraded to absorb more than one energy type and shoot at range, but the shield only faces one direction, and I can't store the energy for long. That aging beam or whatever it is stops my entire power, which is counteractive to the Mad Scientist's all-rounder personality."

Salty. A commenter said.

Super salt. Another posted.

Yep yep dudes pissed. A third wrote.

"Guess it's time for some bans," Matt-att said, only half joking.

The whole time talking with his stream, Matt-att sorted through his inventory, grabbing the useful items and adding them to the utility belt Ixzay made for him. The little piece of tech shrunk down anything placed on it, giving the streamer easier access to what he needed without filling up his vision with boxes. By the end, Valiant had a grappling hook, some adhesive cuffs, and a few projectile weapons hanging off his belt; all shrunk to the size of toy cars.

"You know!" Dr. Zlo shouted at Matt-att. "Heroes shouldn't be the ones hiding behind a rack of hostages."

Matt-att heard a whirring noise, like someone charging a weapon. He looked up to see Dr. Zlo holding another gun, this one more familiar to the streamer.

Designed by Dr. Zlo, this totally original weapon shoots dense balls of debris collected by the glowing orange energy housed inside the device.

Bike Handle (1)

Claw from Claw Machine (1)

Orange Food Coloring (1 packet)

Electrical Wiring (25 ft.)

Lava Lamp (1)

Sciencium (5 g)

"Oh, you two-bit hack!" Matt-att called out. "You ripped that from Part-Life!"

"Well, you know what they say," Dr. Zlo said, pointing the weapon at Valiant. "Great artists steal."

Valiant leaped forward, conjuring his shield. Dr. Zlo's weapon sprang to life, sucking in the various debris from his fight with Freddy to form a solid ball. The projectile launched shortly after, making a beeline toward the front row audience. The hostages in the seats screamed in terror, a few jumping up and running now that Dr. Zlo actively aimed at them. But before the ball could strike anyone, Valiant appeared in front and stopped it with his shield.

"You're no fun at all," Dr. Zlo said. "What's the point of me having hostages if I can't remove a few here and there to add tension?"

"I get more points now if I act more hero-like," Valiant explained.

"What? Do you have a report card to show to mommy or something?" Dr. Zlo sneeringly asked.

The villain launched another ball of debris from his gravity gun, sending a blue beam behind it. Valiant's shield took the blow before the player rolled to the side, just dodging the blue energy from Dr. Zlo's weapon. The hero continued his roll, coming up behind the theater seats. Dr. Zlo scanned the room, trying to find the hero for a surprise attack.

Quartet finally emerged from backstage, his body hunched over to hide as much of himself as he could. It didn't work.

"Quartet! Finally!" Dr. Zlo exclaimed. "I need you to protect the Shave-O-Tron while I go and search for our pesky interloper."

Before Quartet could even argue, Dr. Zlo activated his rocket shoes and flew off to meet his nemesis.

The minion looked over at the Shave-O-Tron. The device was going through the process of sharpening its razor now, the jaunty tune still playing despite the chaos in the seats below. However, the lack of a razor on the Shave-O-Tron meant the appendage swiped through the air like a conductor, giving the scene a cartoonish atmosphere.

The man trapped inside the Shave-O-Tron struggled to free himself, and Quartet couldn't help but enjoy the look on the man's foamy face. There was a hint of desperation combined with the deadpan face of someone who's been in a situation like this a thousand times. Except that this time, the man wasn't going to break free.

"Hold on now," Quartet sang, splitting into four people. Each of him grabbed an arm or leg, assisting the straps keeping the man held in place. "Don't you want a good shave?"

Wyapp didn't say anything, his full attention on breaking free.

Over in the seats, Dr. Zlo found his target. A few more of his energy-eating beams fired, only for Valiant to escape the shot's path each time. The villain paused in his assault; he needed something to keep the hero pinned down, or else he would never get a good shot off. It was too bad someone already broke his dueling gloves. Freddy landed on them when he sank into the stage.

"What's the matter?" Valiant taunted. "You run out of batteries?"

"How dare you assume I use battery technology!" Dr. Zlo shouted. He pointed his cane and fire his adhesive gel, "You of all people know my devices run off the very energies of evil itself!"

"Nobody knows what that means!" Valiant argued. He disintegrated one of the bolts on the seats near him and tossed the furniture at the incoming gel. With his vision slightly blocked, Dr. Zlo didn't notice Valiant taking out his grapple gun until the hero flew into the air, the gadget pulling him up to the catwalks above.

"Trying to get the upper hand?" Dr. Zlo said, flying up to the catwalks.

"God, that was a f*cking terrible pun," Valiant said, landing on a Jacques hiding next to some lights.

"You just don't appreciate good humor," Dr. Zlo said. "Now, die!"

The villain fired his gravity gun, pulling in some of the lights not bolted to the catwalks above. Valiant conjured his shield, blocking the blow as he rushed forward. Dr. Zlo answered with a blast of blue energy, sending the beam right at his foe's chest. Valiant jumped off the catwalk, his grapple gun wrapped around the railing. Surprised, Dr. Zlo watched as the hero swung under the guardrails like a monkey, coming up right behind Dr. Zlo.

"I see you've learned a new trick!" Dr. Zlo said, unlinking one of his button bombs and tossing it at the hero.

Valiant jumped off the catwalk, using his grapple gun to swing down to the stage where Quartet still stood. The hero looked at Shave-O-Tron and snorted at the interaction. Quartet held Wyapp Eart down, eyes closed in concentration while the jaunty barber music played in the background. However, instead of shaving the man, the machine's broken arm performed the motions a good few inches from the captive's face.

"It seems you didn't think your plan all the way through!" Valiant yelled up at Dr. Zlo.

"What?" the villain said, looking down.

When his eyes caught the same picture, Dr. Zlo's face contorted.

"Quartet!" He screamed in rage. "Stop holding onto the captive like a drowning lover and up the power on the Shave-O-Tron already!"

Quartet opened his eyes, seeing the ineffective Shave-O-Tron and the hero coming up next to him. Hastily, the minion tried to send one of his clones over to the lever, but Valiant grabbed him and used his power. Quartet backed away in fear as his tallest persona vanished under the hero's touch.

"No! Don't run away!" Dr. Zlo shouted. "You useless minion!"

"I'm not about to die, boss!" Quartet shouted back. The minion rushed backstage toward the emergency exit, finding Cass there prepping Dr. Zlo's car. In one seamless motion, the minion opened the passenger door, jumped in, and strapped himself to the seat with the belt.

Back on stage, Valiant pulled the lever on the Shave-O-Tron, bringing the whole device to a halt. A few precise applications of his power freed Wyapp, while a more liberal use annihilated the Shave-O-Tron.

"Thanks," Wyapp said, giving Valiant a curt nod.

"Go free the other two," Valiant said. "I'll hold Dr. Zlo off."

Wyapp nodded, but not before pointing to the small gun on Valiant's belt. "I'm more useful with a weapon. If you'll give it to me," the man said.

Valiant shrugged, then unhooked his beam pistol and handed it over. Nodding his thanks, Wyapp rushed over to Rollie and Kurt, the two still struggling to free themselves from their chairs.

"You've ruined it again!" Dr. Zlo roared from his place in the catwalks. A moment later, the villain flew down in front of Valiant, his face taut with anger.

"You gotta keep your eyes on the prize, Zlo," Valiant said teasingly. "It's no good if you lose sight of your goals before the finish line."

"I will end you here and now," Dr. Zlo countered, firing another beam from his monocle.