Vaudevillain

As Easy As... (10)

The march toward Sleepless City's capitol building was short and uneventful. Well, if you could call the growing hordes of addicted NPC's uneventful. Dr. Zlo found it uneventful as no one tried to stop his grand march toward the capitol. Here the villain was, blatantly advertising his evil identity, and no one batted an eye.

Okay, sure. A few guards appeared in front of Dr. Zlo in a weak attempt to stop the villain from moving forward. But by and large, the majority of the NPC protectors ran around corraling those addicted to the cookies. Blue uniformed men pulled out tasers and batons, forcibly stopping the addicted as they looted stores and shops for cookies.

"You know," Sweet Dream said as she watched the chaos. "There's no way this would play out the same in the real world."

"Whatcha mean, dude?" Riptide said.

"The addiction is too aggressive," Sweet Dream elaborated. "People can easily see what eating a cookie does to you. It only works out here because these low-intelligence NPCs just buy and eat at random."

"Lucky for us then," Dylan commented. "Otherwise, we'd need to put a lot more work into the cookies. Only make them slightly addicting, so people don't feel huge cravings for them until it's too late."

"Nah, dudes," Riptide said. "We'd still get our army."

"No, that's not what I mean," Sweet Dream said. "We'd definitely get a good number of people if we tried this, but the effects are immediate, and everyone can see those affected act strange. If we wanted to take over the entire city, we'd have to put some work into keeping everyone in the dark."

"I dunno," Riptide said. "A lot of people like to keep themselves in the dark, dudes."

Riptide's two friends looked at him.

"Wow. That was kinda deep," Sweet Dream joked.

Riptide smiled, "I know, right! I'm full of deep thoughts."

"More like, full of it," Dylan joked.

Riptide recoiled, "Oh, Dr. Zlo! You wound me. Good thing my pride isn't as fragile as yours."

"You dare mock the greatest villain!" Dr. Zlo blustered.

"Case in point, dude," Riptide joked.

"Bah," Dr. Zlo scoffed. "You're only jealous of my prowess."

A mob of addicted NPCs ran across the group's path for a moment, a line of guards chasing after them. They watched as the crowd crashed into a building, shoving the employees out of the way to go for a row of treats in the back. The guards followed in after them, cuffing whoever they could and tasing anyone who charged at them.

"If you feed the cookies to the guards, they won't stop you anymore!" Dr. Zlo called out helpfully.

The others looked at him.

"What? I want to see if they'll listen and pass the info on."

"No. I'm just upset I didn't think to say it earlier," Sweet Dream said.

"That's because you're not a criminal mastermind!" Dr. Zlo gloated.

"Save it for the heroes, dude," Riptide joked.

"Bah, as if I have a limit on gloating. No, I shall gloat wherever and whenever! For I am Dr. Zlo!"

The villain threw his hands up in an evil laugh. The sound of lightning followed, though no one saw a stormcloud in the sky.

"Dude, what was that?" Riptide asked.

"You like it?" Dr. Zlo answered. "It's my ambiance enhancer. It makes sure all my evil gloating comes with thematic background noise."

"Dude!" Riptide laughed. "I love it!"

"I figured you might," Dr. Zlo said. "Which is why I made this!"

Dr. Zlo opened his inventory, pulling out two small devices, one for each of his friends.

"Ahahaha! Dude! Yes!" Riptide cheered. "It's time for all the evil theme music!"

"I don't know how often I'll use this," Sweet Dream said. "But thanks."

"Do you have a present for me?" The Imp asked.

Dr. Zlo whirled to see his miniature standing behind him with an outstretched hand. An eager look sat on his face as he opened and closed his hand.

Dr. Zlo brushed him aside, "Of course not. I spent hours making these. You appeared only a bit ago. Besides, don't you already have toys to play with?"

"But I wanted something from you!" The Imp complained.

"And you'll get it," Dr. Zlo answered. "I'll make sure you get what's coming to you."

"Really? Yay!" The Imp cheered.

Riptide pulled his friend off to the side, "Real talk, dude. You sure it's a good idea to keep testing the reality warper? What if he makes you a girl or something? Like how you did?"

Dylan waved a hand, "If he does, I'll change myself back. Truthfully, I just think it would be a funny hubris moment for Dr. Zlo, you know. Besides, I feel like Dr. Zlo would treat a godlike entity terribly, if only because his ego is just that big. The character thinks he's better than literally everyone in the world."

"Alright, dude. As long as you're sure. I feel like it'll all backfire, though," Riptide said.

"That's part of the fun!" Dylan laughed.

"Yeah, but I dunno how Dream would take it," Riptide replied.

"So we ask her."

Dylan turned to his other friend, beckoning her over while Riptide distracted The Imp.

"What's up?" She asked.

"You okay with the Imp possibly turning on us?" Dylan asked. "Because right now, Dr. Zlo's treatment might mean they will."

Sweet Dream shrugged, "It's what I expected when I invited you. Rip and I both know about the whole thing you got going on."

"As long as you're fine with it," Dylan answered.

"Yeah," Sweet Dream answered. "Besides, I doubt Vert would let me keep an entire NPC army. The whole idea was just to have some fun with a stupid idea."

"It's anything but a stupid idea," Dylan answered.

"Are you kidding?" Sweet Dream said. "I got the idea from an old movie I saw as a kid. None of this is original in the slightest. The only difference is I'm getting to see the fruits of my labor."

"Haha, alright," Dylan answered. The player turned back to Riptide and The Imp, the two playing a game of tag around the street.

"Stop dawdling, you two!" Dr. Zlo shouted. "We've got a capitol building to seize!"

Sleepless City's Capitol building sat near the giant hero statue in the bay, a monument to the city's original protectors. While not technically in the statue's shadow, the building still basked in the sculpture's glow. The lantern above washed the government buildings in its orange glow, giving the area a hallowed look. Dr. Zlo stood before it all, rolling his eyes at the scene.

"Leave it to heroes to make everything pretentious," the villain said.

"What's pretentious?" The Imp asked.

"Trying to make something more important than it is," Dr. Zlo answered.

"Like you?" The Imp replied innocently.

Sweet Dream and Riptide laughed.

"He's got your number, dude," Riptide answered.

"Quiet!" Dr. Zlo commanded. He turned to The Imp, "Don't talk back, Zlo-Mite."

The Imp frowned, "Why not?"

"Because," Dr. Zlo said.

"Because why?"

"Because I said!" Dr. Zlo shouted.

The Imp frowned, "That doesn't seem like a good answer."

Dr. Zlo groaned while his two companions laughed in the background.

"Kids aren't supposed to be this articulate," the villain complained.

"But I'm your kid!" The Imp said proudly. "So, of course, I'd be smart!"

Dr. Zlo narrowed his eyes. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing. You're trying to make me like you. It won't work."

"Shh," Sweet Dream said. "Look."

The villainess pointed down the street toward a line of guards behind a makeshift sandbag wall.

"Impossible!" Dr. Zlo shouted. "How could they know we were coming!"

"Oh! I know!" The Imp said with his hand raised.

Dr. Zlo looked at The Imp, "Did you do something?"

"I told them we were coming!" The Imp said cheerily. "You said it was time to announce our presence!"

Dr. Zlo smacked his face in exasperation. Sweet Dream and Riptide were on the ground, laughing so hard tears formed in their eyes.

"He's - He's really got your number, dude!" Riptide said between wheezes.

"Oh my god! He really is a mini you!" Sweet Dream continued.

"Silence!" Dr. Zlo roared. He turned to The Imp, "Zlo-Mite! We don't announce our presence and give the enemy time! Who knows what traps they'll have for us now!"

"Don't worry!" The Imp said. "I can take care of it!"

Before Dr. Zlo could stop him, The Imp leaped into the group of guards. The NPCs all turned, and The Imp puffed up his chest proudly.

"I am Zlo-Mite! The greatest villain to ever walk the earth! Tremble before me as I utterly fail in my plans!"

"I'm going to kill him," Dr. Zlo growled. "No one mocks me and gets away with it."

"Oh god, dude," Riptide said. "That was perfect. You totally need to make a minion like this later. Something that mocks Dr. Zlo."

"As if I would ever make something like that," Dr. Zlo scoffed. "Zlo-Mite obviously doesn't understand what they're talking about."

"I think he knows exactly what he's doing," Sweet Dream said. "Look."