Vaudevillain

The Terrible Tea Rex (5)

"And this is why I'm the better villain," Dr. Zlo said, blasting Maximillian with his monocle laser. "I at least keep my composure during the finale!"

Maximillian met the lasers with his electric handgun. The two beams of energy met in a spectacular display, blinding both villains for a moment. Dr. Zlo kept up his charge, slamming into Maximillian blindly. Maximillian answered with a blind grab onto Dr. Zlo's suitcoat.

A tug brought Dr. Zlo to the ground, dirtying the villain's suit. "How dare you!"

"How dare you!" Maximillian answered. "Don't get in the way of my success!"

"Oh, like you did?" Dr. Zlo retorted. He blasted Maximillian with another laser.

Maximillian twisted out of the way, his torso bending at an impossible angle. Dr. Zlo recoiled from the move, the backbreaking twist creeping Dylan out. The NPC used the moment to yank Dr. Zlo forward, headbutting the villain's monocle off.

"Ow!" Dr. Zlo grunted. "Is your head made of metal?"

"Yes!" Maximillian answered.

Angrily, Dr. Zlo flicked his top hat, activating the drone inside. Blades sprung forth from the hat's brim, slicing at Maximillian's outstretched arm. The NPC was forced to let go of Dr. Zlo, giving the man time to escape.

"Have a surprise on the way out!" Dr. Zlo cackled. He dropped a button bomb onto the floor next to the NPC.

Explosions echoed across the catacombs, sending smoke and dust into the air. Dr. Zlo coughed as some of it entered his lungs, the lack of ventilation working against him. A moment later, the smoke cleared, sucked into Maximillian's lungs as he breathed in.

"Okay, things are getting weird," Dr. Zlo commented.

Maximillian faced Dr. Zlo and exhaled. A stream of condensed dust and rock blasted the villain, sending him into the wall.

"Again with dirtying the clothes!" Dr. Zlo complained. "Do you know how long it will take Cass to get these stains out? Do you?"

Maximillian's head ticked to the left. "You are an annoying pest!"

"No, I am the greatest criminal mastermind, and you'll admit it!"

Maximillian scoffed, firing another electric beam. Dr. Zlo was forced to drop the ground once more, his black suit now caked with brown dust.

Dr. Zlo looked at Maximillian in disgust, "Look at you, making more work for Cass! I almost feel bad for the silver minion. Hat bot, finish him!"

The drone whirred, its blades a carousel of death moving in on Maximillian. The NPC laughed maniacally and waved his hand. Suddenly, Dr. Zlo's drone halted in mid-air.

"What's this?!" the villain exclaimed.

"Poor Dr. Zlo," Maximillain spat. "Done in by his hubris. Next time, think a little before sending a mechanical contraption to beat me."

The hatbot turned, its slicing blades now aimed straight for Dr. Zlo. The villain gasped in shock, bringing his cane up at the last moment to bat his turned drone.

"Hatbot!" the villain shouted. "How dare you disobey me! And to think of all the times I sent you in for a cleaning!"

The hatbot chirped angrily, moving faster as it tried to slice Dr. Zlo.

"What do you mean you hated every moment of it?!" The villain said incredulously.

Maximillian's manic expression furrowed in confusion. "Don't tell me you understand it?"

"Her, thank you very much," Dr. Zlo said stiffly. "Hatbot here is a valued member of my team, and I'd thank you not to demean her as some thing."

Dylan hadn't actually made his hatbot with a gender in mind, but it felt like an appropriate response to Maximillian's reaction.

The hatbot clipped Dr. Zlo on the hand.

"Ow!" the villain exclaimed. "That's it, young lady. No more chargings after midnight!"

"I can't believe you are giving me this much trouble," Maximillian groaned.

Dr. Zlo slapped his hatbot away once more as it circled around while also attempting to cast a spell. It wouldn't matter what protection the NPC had if he could hit Maximillian with a disintegration beam.

Unfortunately, Maximillian's electric blasts kept the villain from completing the motions. Grunting in annoyance, Dr. Zlo tossed a button bomb behind the villain. More for a chance to breathe than anything else. The explosion kicked up another dust cloud, giving Dr. Zlo time to catch his hatdrone under the blades and deactivate it. He quickly stashed it in his inventory so Maximillian couldn't turn it on with his strange power.

At this point, Dylan had something of an idea on how to fight his cyborgical enemy. Magic would most definitely work, as would enough explosions to collapse this catacomb. Though, Dylan would save that part for later. A villain shouldn't try for a double suicide until there were no other options.

It was up the cane then, and Dr. Zlo started to trace a weakness spell in the air while Maximillian sucked up the dust. The villain had almost completed the magic before a blast of concentrated grit caught the end of the cane. The spell fired prematurely, striking the caged door behind Maximillian.

"Careful!" Maximillian yelled. "There are critical experiments inside!"

Dr. Zlo's face turned wicked. "Oh, really now?"

The villain pulled another button off his suit and lazily rolled it around his fingers. "It would be a shame then if I let this small explosive ruin said experiments, wouldn't it?"

"Ha, you think you can bait me?" Maximillian laughed. "I can always remake my experiments."

Dr. Zlo narrowed his eyes. "You're bluffing."

"Try me."

The two stared at each other, Dr. Zlo's evil glare contesting Maximillian's unhinged gaze. It looked like things were at a stalemate. Neither dared to make a move. Dr. Zlo knew that Maximillian would shoot him with electricity if he threw the bomb. Of course, if Maximillian shot first, Dr. Zlo could dodge and toss the bomb into the room.

At least that's what it seemed like until Brunhilde appeared behind Maximillian. Dr. Zlo recoiled in surprise, which in turn caused Maximillian to react. The NPC tried to fire a blast of electricity, but Brunhilde moved faster. The maid's large hands grabbed both sides of Maximillian's head and twisted. Maximillian's head unscrewed from his shoulders, falling to the ground with a plunk.

"Oh, that's unsettling," Dr. Zlo said.

"Herr Zlo, vou are zo dirty!" Brunhilde exclaimed. "Pleaze, let me clean vou off."

"Brunhilde," Dr. Zlo said calmly. "I'd rather you not. You just used your hands to screw a man's head off."

Brunhilde protested. "I didn't even get my handz dirty! Zere iz no blud at all, zee?"

The maid held her hands up, only thin, white scars marring the palms.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Maximillian said.

Dr. Zlo looked down at the head in surprise. Maximillian was still alive. The NPC's head rested on the ground like some kind of strange lightbulb, or a large screw.

"Well, look at that," Dr. Zlo said. "Looks like you've lost that good head on your shoulders."

The villain cackled at his joke, Brunhilde laughing along in a deep baritone.

"Perhaps I should take you with me, mount you on my wall," Dr. Zlo said as he picked up Maximillian.

The NPC attempted to bite the villain's hand. Dr. Zlo jerked backward. "Perhaps not. It seems you're a rabid dog. Utterly devoid of dignity."

"This isn't over," Maximillian glowered.

Dr. Zlo grinned wickedly. "Oh, but it is! I have proved I'm the better villain. You could say I got ahead of the competition."

"Kill me and be done with it," Maximillian spat.

Dr. Zlo shook his head. "I think not. Victories like these deserve a good gloating."

"Oh!" Brunhilde perked up. "Herr Zlo! Tozz 'im into ze room vith 'is experimentz! Zhen 'e'll only be able to vatch them!"

"Oooh, dastardly," Dr. Zlo answered. "I like the way you think."

The villain handed Maximillian's head over to Brunhilde, who gently placed it on the ground. Dr. Zlo turned his cane around, slowly bringing the gem toward Maximillian as he lined up his shot.

"A tricky course for the famous Dr. Zlo," the villain started as he settled into a golf stance. "These long tunnels make it difficult for a long drive, meaning the golfing expert will have to use some other methods. Luckily the player is carrying a handy iron to chip right past the more dangerous traps."

Dr. Zlo reared back, then swung with all his might. "Fore!" the villain shouted.

Maximillian's head shot toward the experiment room, spinning like a washing cycle. The head bounced between two bars before disappearing into the dark room ahead.

"Hole in one!" Dr. Zlo laughed. Brunhilde attempted a golf clap and instead gave a standing ovation.

"Now that that's settled," Dr. Zlo said, turning. "Let's collect Mr. T and get out of here. I've had my fun for today."

"Going so soon?" Maximillian's voice echoed out of the experiment room.

A loud rumble followed, shaking the ground and causing Dr. Zlo to trip into Brunhilde.

"What the Dickens?" Dr. Zlo questioned.

The villain turned back to the door in time to see a bronze, geared hand smash through. A large arm followed after, then a smaller, familiar head.

Maximillian's crazed mug stared at Dr. Zlo. "Did you think it was over?"

Dr. Zlo groaned. "A second phase? Really?"