Vaudevillain

Chapter 222: Smash and Grab

"We're coming up on the Necropolis Pop Culture Museum, boss," Cass pointed.

The large, modern building appeared on the right past a stack of ritzy apartments as Dylan drove up. Dylan brought an eyebrow up in surprise at the structure. Vert had designed an interesting building for once.

The museum stood in the middle of a winding parkway, various parking lots interspersed between the greenery. Footpaths from the lots led pedestrians through the parks, letting them admire a series of artistic sculptures from all walks of life. Each path then converged at the museum's front inviting front entrance of multicolored glass. It was so nice, Dylan almost felt bad about Dr. Zlo causing mischief inside. It grated against Dylan's architectural senses. The only reason the player didn't call off the assault was because he knew the game would repair any damage.

With the knowledge of reset architecture in mind, Dylan floored the gas pedal. The Zlomobile shot forward, past the various parkways and straight toward the entrance. Pedestrians screamed in terror as Dr. Zlo revved the engine, jumping out of the way in the nick of time.

"Cass!" Dr. Zlo shouted. "Start launching our Jacques! Use about half of them."

"No problem, boss," Cass answered, starting up the Jacques-a-pult and launching the minions. Dr. Zlo swerved around one of the sculptures, a Grecian-inspired marble piece of some muscular hero.

The villain lowered the window and shouted behind him as he passed, "Jacques! Give that statue a makeover!"

The Jacques saluted, turning to the pedestrians and making grabbing motions. The minions rushed at the hapless NPCs, stealing coats, pants, and anything else they could get their hands on. Another Jacques pulled out a pair of scissors, and the minions went to work, forming an oversized suit and tie combo. Another group of Jacques made a floppy top hat and laid it on top of the sculpture. Finally, another Jacques pulled out a can of spray paint and drew a mustache and monocle over the statue's face.

Dr. Zlo checked out of his rearview mirror to see the result. A rough approximation of Dr. Zlo now stood in front of the museum, replacing the droll hero sculpture.

"Yes, a much better piece of art," the villain said.

"I agree, boss," Cass said. "The sculpture really catches your sharp eyes."

Egghead tapped Dr. Zlo on the shoulder, pointing ahead at the museum's entrance. The villain turned to see a small defensive line set up, the museum's meager security moving whatever they could to barricade the doors. Dr. Zlo scoffed at the various picnic tables and chairs getting pushed in front of the Zlomobile.

"As if paltry plastics can stop my inventions!" the villain shouted as he slammed the accelerator.

The guards' eyes widened in surprise as Dr. Zlo's vehicle gained speed. The Zlomobile wasn't stopping, meaning the NPCs were now in the path of a crazed villain. Dr. Zlo's enemies jumped out of the way at the last moment, landing to the side as the Zlomobile broke through the barrier like a wave on a sandcastle. Tables flew into the air, cracking the museum entrance and scattering to the winds. The Zlomobile followed, shattering the multicolored glass and skidding inside.

The car continued on its journey, plowing through the small turnstile gate and careening into a set of hero sculptures. The Zlomobile spun around, forcing the passengers to hold on for dear life. Dr. Zlo applied the brakes, stopping his car next to a wall.

"Alright, everybody out!" the villain shouted. "We've got a phone booth to find."

"Did anyone get the number on that hero," Cass said as his head spun.

"No time for that, Cass," Dr. Zlo said. "We need to get in and out before any heroes arrive. I'd rather not face them if I don't have to. Not when I don't have all my inventions up to snuff."

"Just, give us a second, hon," Mabel said. "That roller coaster of a landing made me a touch queasy."

"Fine," Dr. Zlo said. "You can all take a moment while I scout the area and launch the rest of my Jacques."

Mabel waved Dr. Zlo off and used Lug as a pillow to recover. Cass leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes to stop the room from spinning. Lug and Egghead waited patiently while Dr. Zlo unleashed the last of his Jacques and stepped out of the Zlomobile.

"Right!" the villain shouted as his base minions appeared. "We're looking for a phone booth. Do you all know what that is?"

The Jacques shook their heads.

"I expected not," Dr. Zlo replied. "It was an item before your time. Heroes used to use them to change out of their secret identities. Of course, such devices have long since passed. A few intelligent villains like myself learned that heroes always arrived from said booths and destroyed as many as possible. Any heroes caught inside were ruined!"

Dr. Zlo threw his hands up in an evil cackle before composing himself, "But I digress. Our goal today is to find one of these relics. You'll most likely recognize them on sight. The booths are tall and rectangular and painted a bright primary color. Inside you'll find an old telephone hanging on a cord, along with a phone book and possibly a few bits of chewed gum. If you find it, alert me immediately so we can transport it back. Understood?"

The Jacques saluted in unison.

"Right, get to it!" Dr. Zlo commanded.

The Jacques leaped into action, rushing in all directions throughout the museum.

"Hon," Mabel said, having finally recovered enough to leave the Zlomobile. "What are we going to do about all the guards?"

"Leave them to Lug. Or yourself if you feel so inclined," Dr. Zlo said. "But this is a mission of speed. And if we don't get what we need before heroes come, we'll have to contend with them as well. I'm not about to have my ingredient broken by some witless do-gooder."

Mabel nodded, "Alright then, hon. You just sit back and let Momma take care of things."

"I eagerly await your success," Dr. Zlo replied.

The villain walked over to where Cass sat, banging the window to alert his minion.

"Get up, Cass!" the villain said. "We've got some searching to do."

"Alright, sheesh," Cass said with a groan. "You'd think a guy could get a bit of shut-eye around here."

"Cass, you have no need for shut-eye," Dr. Zlo commented.

Cass shook his head to wake up, "Doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy a few winks now and then, boss."

"After this, Cass," Dr. Zlo said. "You can have whatever break you need."

Finding the telephone booth wasn't difficult, all things considered. The relic sat in the historical heroes exhibit of the pop culture museum, the bright red structure standing out amidst the other multicolored heroes. Jacques stood around the booth, putting their hands up to their chins as if admiring a piece of art. Dr. Zlo rolled his eyes at the sight. The Jacques had performed a number of similar antics in the museum.

"We're not here to admire the scenery," Dr. Zlo said. "Grab that booth, and let's get out of here!"

The Jacques slumped as one before heading over to the booth.

"yes, yes. I'm sure it's all very interesting!" Dr. Zlo snapped. "But if we waste any more time, some hero is going to arrive and throw you through a wall. Is that something you want?"

All but one of the Jacques shook their heads. Dr. Zlo glared at the final one, who had nodded eagerly.

"Well, I guess you'll have to settle for a knockoff."

Dr. Zlo activated his hat drone and commanded it, "Pick that Jacques up and use him to make an exit for our Zlomobile. It seems rather interested in getting thrown around."

The Jacques instantly stopped nodding, waving its hands around to refuse.

"Oh, I thought you were eager?" Dr. Zlo said. "Are you telling me you don't want to obey my orders?"

The Jacques froze, its programming stuck in a small loop. At that time, the hat drone picked it up and took it over to the museum's outer wall. The drone covered the Jacques in nanobots and started to swing, bashing the Jacques against the wall.

"Anyone else?" Dr. Zlo asked with a raised eyebrow.

The rest of the Jacques rushed over to the phone booth, picking it up and marching back to the Zlomobile.

"That's what I thought," Dr. Zlo said.

The group arrived back at the Zlomobile, placing the phone booth on the roof of the car. Dylan debated about using his power now and upgrading the Zlomobile but decided against it. Dr. Zlo was the type of villain who made devices in secret laboratories, not out in the open.

Once the booth was on the roof, Dr. Zlo tasked Egghead and Cass with finding a way to fasten it. The two minions completed the job by twisting a stolen line of metal wire around the two objects, securing the phone booth in place. Dr. Zlo nodded his approval.

"Shoddy work, but we do what we can with the tools we have."

His ingredient secured, Dr. Zlo looked around the room.

"Has anyone seen Mabel?"

"Over here, hon," Mabel said.

Dr. Zlo turned to see Mabel heading over on Lug's shoulder, towing along groups of NPC guards with her words.

"Ah, good," Dr. Zlo said. "We can task them with distracting others as we make our escape."

"You got it, hon," Mabel said. The minion turned to address the crowd of guards.