Vaudevillain

Chapter 221: Medical Emergencies

Dr. Zlo watched the rooms as Mabel's voice echoed through the intercom. None of the shadows in the room made to move, meaning Mabel's mind control couldn't work over devices. Or maybe it could, and Dr. Zlo just needed to give his minion an upgrade.

"It seems we must do this the hard way!" Dr. Zlo shouted over the klaxons. The villain pointed his cane, performing the movements for his disintegration spell. The bolt shot from the rod and struck the door, obliterating it from existence and exposing a group of scientists. The group of NPCs backed away from the door, save for one lone guard who had more courage than sense.

The guard charged, Mabel stepping up to meet him. Dr. Zlo laid a hand on her shoulder, "Hold on. I'll deal with this one, and you get the scientists under your control. I'm sure they'll have more clearance than someone like this."

"Alright, hon," Mabel answered.

Dr. Zlo straightened his tie and walked forward, letting the guard extend his collapsable baton for a strike. Before the man could strike, Dr. Zlo unleashed his new monocle. A blast of ice-blue light shot from the villain's eye and impacted the NPC right in the gut. The guard slowed to a halt, his body starting to shrivel up.

"Well, it seems there's a medical emergency," Dr. Zlo taunted, his tone becoming mockingly sincere. "Is there a doctor in the house?"

The villain looked over at Mabel and her new group of scientists.

"Sorry, hon," Mabel answered. "It seems we don't have that kind of doctor."

"A shame," Dr. Zlo said with a shake of his head. "We could have saved a man's life today."

"Aw, hon," Mabel said. "There will always be another."

"Well, no need to leave him suffering in misery," Dr. Zlo said. The villain swiftly brought his cane down, bashing the guard's hitpoints to zero. The NPC disappeared from sight, leaving behind his collapsable baton.

"Now, let's see about stopping this alarm," Dr. Zlo said.

Mabel turned to the scientists, "Would one of y'all be a dear and turn all this noise off? Momma can't hear herself think."

The scientists stiffened, then moved on to perform their tasks. A few moments later, the alarms were disabled, and the various blast doors in the building were slowly opening.

"Make sure our scientists report this as a false alarm," Dr. Zlo said to Mabel. "We want to stall these heroes for as long as possible."

"You got it, hon," Mabel answered.

The sound of shattered glass alerted Dr. Zlo to something behind him. The villain whirled, cane at the ready, only to stop as he saw Egghead berating Lug for pushing the door instead of pulling. Behind the two minions stood the seven Jacques that Egghead requested.

The minions stood in a row behind their upgraded counterparts, standing ramrod straight and holding their cane weapons at the ready. Once Egghead finished its rant, it turned back to the Jacques and walked along their line like a drill sergeant, going as far as to get in a few Jacques' faces. The entire pantomime took a few seconds, but afterward, the Jacques stood as a cohesive fighting unit.

Realizing he was getting distracted by his minion's antics, Dr. Zlo turned back to Mabel.

"Get one of them to tell us where they keep their common cold virus."

Mabel repeated the question, a scientist answering a moment later.

"We store them in the refrigeration units three floors down. The common cold should be stored there."

"Should be?" the villain asked.

"A few scientists bring out samples to test against subjects," the NPC answered. "To make sure our experiments can withstand environments outside of laboratory conditions."

"Indeed," Dr. Zlo answered. "One day, I shall have to inquire about these experiments. I'm sure they could be useful in my attempts to take over the world. But for now, all I need is a common cold."

The villain waltzed past the scientists, Egghead and the Jacques following behind.

"Mabel," Dr. Zlo said. "Keep a lookout with Lug. Notify me if anyone attempts to interfere."

"With pleasure, hon," Mabel said, licking her lips at Lug. One of the scientists shuddered.

Dr. Zlo gestured to the rest of his minions, "Come on. Let's grab this ingredient and make our escape! Time is of the essence!"

Though that didn't mean Dr. Zlo wouldn't spend time gloating whenever he got the chance.

Egghead nodded, performing a series of gestures to the seven Jacques behind. The group split, four of the Jacques moving forward and splitting to check the doors. The other Jacques stood around Egghead and Dr. Zlo, their canes ready for any surprise attacks. A few brave guards, and one foolish scientist with a laser cannon, tried to stop the villains, but Egghead's instructions had made the Jacques a formidable fighting force. Plus, they had the help of Dr. Zlo's monocle laser if things ever got too close.

The group reached the end of the hall, where a line of elevators waited next to an emergency exit stairwell. Dr. Zlo made to press one of the elevator buttons, but Egghead held up a hand. The minion gestured to the stairs, using the Jacques to show how it was a bad idea to put everyone in one space.

"Fine," Dr. Zlo said. "You can all take the stairs. But I am a villain who makes an entrance! Entering through the stairs is beneath me."

Egghead shrugged, taking its group of Jacques and heading downstairs. Dr. Zlo pressed the elevator button, waiting patiently for it to arrive. He entered without issue and made his way three floors down, humming along to the elevator's jaunty tune.

Once the elevator stopped and the doors hissed open, Dr. Zlo stepped out with a bow. No gunfire greeted the villain. Or laser fire either, for that matter. No, as Dr. Zlo looked up, he saw his Jacques making short work of the last NPC guard. The duo dealing with the protector pushed the last dazed NPC back and forth like they were playing hot potato. Dr. Zlo sighed and blasted the last guard with his laser.

"It seems competence leaves me with less time to gloat," the villain said. "No matter. To the common cold!"

Dr. Zlo marched forward to the refrigeration units, opening each one up and searching for the vial he needed. The Jacques followed his lead, shivering every few seconds as waves of cold buffeted them.

Dr. Zlo started grabbing vials, "Bavarian Lung Disease, no; Himalayan Jumping Bean Spores, no."

Dylan wondered if the vials actually contained diseases or if the devs were just having fun with names. Finally, the player spied a nearby bottle.

"Ah-ha! Here we are, rhinovirus. No, wait."

Dr. Zlo read the description on the vial, "This just turns people into rhinos. Useless."

A Jacques tapped the villain on the shoulder.

"What is it?" the villain asked.

Dr. Zlo turned to see his minion Egghead holding a vial labeled "The Common Cold."

"Excellent!" Dr. Zlo clapped. "Now that we have our ingredient, it's time to blow this popsicle stand!"

Dr. Zlo unhooked a few of his new self-destruct buttons and placed them around the various vials. "We can't have the heroes learning what we're up to," the villain explained to Egghead. "Therefore, I shall blow all these diseases up and let them infect the city! Or they'll all perish in the explosion. Either way, it creates a nice distraction for our next item."

Egghead nodded, offering to help place some of the charges. Dr. Zlo obliged, and the team went to work setting the explosives.

As they placed the last one, Dr. Zlo called Cass on his communicator, "Bring the Zlomobile around, Cass. We've got a getaway to make!"

"You got it, boss," Cass answered.

Dr. Zlo marched back up to the ground floor, taking the stairs as there were no other guards to stop the villain.

"A pity that this was so easy," Dr. Zlo said. "I almost wish something had happened."

"Nothing wrong with a calm evening," Mabel said as Dr. Zlo arrived. "Though I agree that we could do something to spice it up."

Mabel waggled her eyebrows.

"Mabel!" Dr. Zlo chided. "You know that would take way too much time."

"Oh, where's your sense of adventure," Mabel joked.

"In the Zlomobile with Cass, I suspect," Dr. Zlo said. "For we have more crimes to commit this night!"

Dr. Zlo marched out of the building, the Zlomobile screeching to a halt next to him. The villain waited for Cass to jump out and get the door, letting his group of minions pile into the back seats. Well, the essential minions. Dr. Zlo instructed the seven Jacques to cause as much chaos as possible while the villain made his escape. The Jacques saluted, one of them pulling out a can of spray paint.

Dylan shook his head as the Jacques started to graffiti the WHL building, leaving marks of top hats and bow ties across the walls.

"I guess that's one way to cause a distraction," the player muttered.

"What's that, boss?" Cass asked as he opened the door.

"Oh, nothing," Dr. Zlo said. "Just thinking about our next target."

"The, uh. What was it again?" Cass asked.

"The telephone booth, Cass," Dr. Zlo said exasperatingly. "It is a vital piece to upgrade the Zlomobile!"

"Oh, right," Cass said, entering the driver's seat. "That was at that pop culture museum. I can get us there."

"See that you do," Dr. Zlo said, pressing the self-destruct switches for his buttons.

Ten seconds later, an explosion rocked the WHL building, destroying years of research and a few very rare diseases. Many more diseases escaped into the city, infecting a few unsuspecting NPCs and even an unlucky player. Worst of all, a few of the laboratory's deadlier experiments escaped and started rampaging, providing Dr. Zlo with the distraction he wanted.