Canon Fodder

CHAPTER 438 SHI’AR

We instantly winked back into existence to the sound of cheers. Nen coating my body I moved in front of Anne in a defensive stance. 

“What the hell is going on?” Anne asked. 

“I don’t know,” I said on high alert. “Let me figure it out.” She relaxed slightly but was still high strung. I couldn’t blame her since I was freaking out internally as I studied the environment.  

Around us was a dome of black that I couldn’t see passed. The cheers sounding from outside the dome. I guessed we were in some kind of teleportation ring as other people popped into existence around us. I recognized most all of them as a pop sounded and they were suddenly there. Nearest us was Professor Xavier. He had apparently been in bed when he was teleported there with us. Wearing black silk pajamas he laid on the floor. Since his legs didn’t work, it wasn’t a big surprise.  

Next to him was Cyclops, then Jean Grey popped into existence. Wolverine was already there, along with Colossus. Both were ready for a fight as Wolverine shot out his claws and Colossus was covered in his metal skin. Then Storm and Beast appeared, and I thought they would stop appearing. I had assumed it would just be mutants teleported there. But no, more showed up. 

A homeless looking man appeared, with ragged clothes, a long beard and hair. Then Lyra Talbot appeared. The girl that I was fairly certain was half a Hulk and just recently finished protecting. She looked around scared as well. “Lyra,” I hissed to her. 

“Weston!” She yelled, running over to me. “What’s-”

“No idea, give me a minute,” I said as more people popped into existence in the black dome. Peter Parker materialized, then Gwen Stacy, Jessica Jones, Magneto, Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, a giant of a man I didn’t recognize, another that looked like a magician with a goatee and shifty eyes. Then four people I hadn’t expected to see again appeared, the Fantastic Four themselves. Though they weren’t in their matching blue uniforms from canon, it was easy to see since the giant rock monster, Ben Grimm, was with them. 

I hadn’t heard any news of the unfortunate four people I pulled from their experiment, but whatever was summoning us was apparently snatching all the strongest people near New York. Everyone was lost, bringing up their own defenses as they exclaimed, yelled, and tried to figure out what was going on. 

I ignored the others talking. A few long seconds progressed as no one else popped into existence and the black dome fell. Revealed around us was a giant stadium. Far more massive than I was used to there were people gathered all around us. The number of people there was in the hundreds of thousands, as I counted them like grains of sand as I had learned during my Haki training. The air shook with how loudly they were yelling. 

Below us was a white tiled floor that was a massive platform at least 1,000 feet across. Beside where the dome had fell was a single human man. He had blonde hair, and was wearing a blue and red skintight super suit. I guessed he was some sort of hero, but I didn’t recognize him. He looked like the star quarterback from high school. Massive muscles, blonde hair, blue eyes, chiseled jaw, he wasn’t staring at us, but straight ahead. 

I followed his gaze. Standing on a tall dais was an alien man. The closest of the crowd that I could see, he wore an intricate full body robe. The robe had a white base with immaculate multicolored stitching that made him look a little gaudy in my book. He had an angular face. His forehead was large, and nose was long. His skin had an orange hue to it. All of this I could ignore, except his hair. It was puffy and cut into the shape of a triangle. A point of the triangle over the top of his head and one over each shoulder, I wasn’t sure if that was a natural formation or the style of the haircut for whatever dimension or planet we had been summoned to. 

Others around him had the same hairstyle, and as I focused on the crowd not everyone had the triangle haircut. More like afros than anything, I could tell these people weren’t fully human. Some weird type of alien, no one looked familiar. But Kitty and Anne had been warning me of aliens abducting people not too long ago. I guessed this was what they meant. 

“What is going on here, Mandor?!” The blonde human’s voice asked. The strength of the voice surprised me, cutting through the loud crowd around us. 

“I do not make the rules of the Arin’n Haelar,” the alien man said from above. He had a haughty attitude, his voice projected by invisible speakers around us. The people quieted as he spoke. “Our technology tells us that these are your true people.”

“I am a Kree!” The blonde yelled. 

“You are not,” the alien Mandor said simply. “Do you not see their skin tones? The same look that you have? All of them are like you. Tell us, summoned combatants, what is your lineage?” The triangle head directed the question to our group. 

“Colossus,” Professor X said from the floor. Trying to get his attention to pick him up so he could address the alien. I smiled wide, unable to let this moment pass me up. They were picking the representative for our people to speak, and the first to talk was the winner. 

“Hey! Yo!” I said from the middle of our crowd. 

“Weston!” Cyclops hissed, the crowd eerily quiet. I walked away from Lyra and Anne, smiling as I moved to the front of the crowd.

“Yeah!” I yelled, taking center stage. My face was projected to a floating screen where people could see, and my voice began to boom as I spoke. “We are humans, oh mighty triangle head guy. We are from Earth.” The Haki of those that knew me, immediately plummeted. For some reason they thought I would cause some sort of issue. Xavier tried to move forward with Colossus, but the alien had all the answers he needed. He turned back to the blonde.

“See,” Mandor said. “Oh mighty Car-Ell. It seems you have been posing as a Kree all this time. But these are your true people. They are the chosen few that shall help represent you in the Arin’n Haelar.” 

The blonde man looked thoroughly lost. His gaze going from us to the higher up man, then back to us. He opened his mouth and shut it many times, going through a multitude of reactions. I figured he could have his own inner monologue while I got some answers. 

“That’s all fine and dandy!” I said, the invisible camera zooming back to me. “We are a very…primitive species. To be honest, it’s the first time off planet for most of us. Do you uh, mind answering a question?” I asked. The man opened his mouth but looked to someone beside him. I decided that meant yes. 

“Who the hell are you? What the fuck are we doing here? Who is that guy? What is a ArenHailer? Actually, scratch all those; can you just start at the beginning so we can understand what the fuck is going on?” I asked. I regretted not pushing the future girls about this. I didn’t remember this from canon at all. 

“Yes,” someone said from beside the original speaker. This guy too had a triangle formed haircut as well. It looked stupid, and I thought of this new guy as lackey number 1 as he bowed at Mandor. He cleared his throat and began in a high-pitched voice not matching his masculine form. “We are the Shi’ar.” This was pronounced as She-ar. That name actually sounded familiar to me, but I let him continue.

“The man next to you, Car-Ell, the Kree’s Champion, has committed unspeakable crimes in our sector of the galaxy.” The blonde man wanted to say something; it felt like he thought that was a lie but left it. “To try to prolong the inevitable guilty verdict, he has called the ancient rite of Arin’n Haelar. This is a duel of honor between our people and the people of those condemned.” Lackey one looked at the blonde guy. 

“Cool,” I said. “Cool, cool, cool, cool,” I added quickly as I thought. “So we need to like, fight in a tournament?” I thought I remembered this happening in canon. I remembered all the X-Men were summoned somewhere and had to do a battle royale fight against an alien species. I was pretty sure that was when Jean Grey went all crazy, and it was a trial for her, not this blonde guy. I eyed Jean who looked lost like the rest of them. 

“Exactly!” The original triangle guy said. “I, Mandor Naramani, Majestor of the Shi’ar, am pleased to accept the call of a tournament for Arin’n Haelar.” 

“Woah, woah, woah-” I tried to say, worried I turned it into a tournament type fight now. But no one was listening, the area around us exploded in uproarious applause. I looked back to the crowd of humans beside me. For some reason their spiritual energy was still dropping, not having faith in me whatsoever for some reason. 

“Majestor Mandor Naramani,” Professor X’s voice boomed. “I apologize if there has been some miscommunication.” His voice and face was finally projected as the crowd’s roar died down. “We are unaware of any of this. Do we have no say on if we fight or not?”

“That is an issue you must bring up with Car-Ell,” the lead guy said. “You are in Shi’ar territory. These laws have been passed down for millenia. Though we do see that you are rather…ill equipped for fighting. We will conduct the Arin’n Haelar in three days time. To make up for your species shortcomings, we will draw names at random. Twenty fights, your planet's strongest, versus twenty of our own undefeatable military!” 

The crowd roared again. This time there was no calming them down as they cheered. “Well, this sucks,” I said to our group. “Hey blondie, what the hell did you get us into?”

“I-I had no idea,” the man known as Car-Ell said. “I believed I was Kree. My father-”

“Dude, doesn’t matter for now,” I said. Everyone in our group staring at us as they ended their own whisperings to each other. “How fucked are we? Are these people pretty strong?”

“I-yes,” the man said. “They are some of the strongest in the universe.”

“Fuck,” I said. I couldn’t remember if the X-men won this or not. I didn’t really want to leave it to chance. “Is that triangle guy like a king or something?”

“Yes,” the blonde said. “He is the Majestor of the Shi’ar empire. He will-”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t care,” I said as I stepped up again. Some people hissed my name but I released my Nen. Casting fear out from me and drawing many eyes. The camera zoomed to me as I took the stage once more. 

“Oh mighty majesty…Majestor,” I said, trying to act humble. “We thank you for the honor of choosing us for the Arin’n Haelar. Though we are quite lost, we accept the opportunity to show you what we humans are made of.”

The man slowly smiled as I spoke. His excitement growing with each word. I could tell Xavier wanted to knock me out with his mind tricks, but held off. “It is good to see a people so willing to defend their own. Perhaps if you prove yourselves, we will add your planet to our vast empire.”

“Sounds cool,” I lied. That sounded like utter crap. “My people will get in touch with yours. But in the meantime, we are curious how exactly this will go. As you can see, one of our leaders, though strong, is handicapped.” I pointed at the professor who was being princess carried by Colossus. “I don’t see any parking or ramps for his type. Will those be chosen to battle him have similar…issues?”

The man frowned. “You acted so confident a moment ago. Do your people not possess the courage to take on any battle?”

“No, we do,” I said, changing tactics. “I’m as much for watching handicapped people fighting as you are. I just want to know if there are rules for these fights. For instance, we humans have sensitive areas? Will nut shots be against the rules?” Everyone’s anger flared behind me. 

“This battle will have no rules,” the man said with a wicked smile. 

“Ah, so is death a possibility?” I asked. This was the true reason I was asking. I had been hoping we would get some sort of pass if someone didn’t feel like fighting or wasn’t confident. It looked like there were no passes, and this was going to be a take it or die scenario. 

“Of course,” Mandor said. “That is left to the individual to understand. Battle is the only true way to know your enemy. If you are found lacking, you will perish. And if in the off chance, we are found lacking, we expect yours to purge our flock of the weak.” 

This was giving me a little bit better sense of these people. From that statement alone I could see that they respected fighting. Perhaps war was their main pastime. This tournament was a good replacement for it. Kidnapping people to entertain them as someone declares trial by combat. This was much like what the ninja villages in Naruto did. It was all very eye opening.

“Alright,” I said, nodding. “Now we are getting somewhere.”

“You may submit of course, but that is considered losing,” Mandor said. 

“And if we were to submit right now?” I asked, trying my best to figure this out since everyone behind me was at a loss for words.

“That would be unforgivable,” Mandor said. His haki said he was serious. “Never in our history has someone refused the Arin’n Haelar. They would be executed in shame.”

“Ah, of course. No, yeah, no,” I said, internally cursing. “I’d never think of it. I simply wish to know your…obviously majestic history. During these three days, may we learn more about your people? Perhaps to better reflect on your people’s history, and hopefully represent our own better in the coming fights.”

“Yes, that can be arranged,” the man said. He pointed at someone beside him, who nodded and wrote something in the air. Utilizing some weird technology. “If that is-”

“Actually, you caught us at kind of a bad time,” I cut in. “We all seem to have lost our space wallets. If you could provide us with some currency from your…” I looked around, “I’m certain, very vast coffers. I would be much appreciative.”

“That…can be arranged,” he said. He didn’t appear to like that, which told me the man was greedy. He frowned, his nostrils flaring as he asked. “Is there anything else?”

“No,” I said, a smile on my face. “Thank you oh mighty majesty guy. You’ve been most gracious, and helpful to we country bumpkins. I must say, I’m looking forward to my people kicking your people’s asses in the coming days.” There was a long silence. No one spoke. The group behind me’s haki, which had been slowly warming up to what I was saying, skyrocketed to annoyance and wanting to attack me. 

n/ô/vel/b//jn dot c//om

But Mandor slowly smiled. His thin angular face creasing upward, he laughed loudly. More people joined in, and the arena was filled with laughter. Cheers rang out, and unseen instruments were played. I turned around with a slight bow and walked back to the group. As I did, a notification appeared. 

That sounded like a pretty big order in my book. Luckily it was exactly what I wanted to do. A smile on my lips I wondered what the hell I had to investigate about these people. Either way it didn’t matter, I was sure I would figure it out as canon unfolded. 

“Did you have to do that?” Cyclops asked, bringing me away from the quest screen. 

“No,” I said with a laugh. “But damn was it fun.”