Vaudevillain

As Easy As... (3)

Riptide returned from scouting a minute later, his pitch-black board settling between the two villains.

"Alright, dudes," Riptide said, his body appearing as he stepped off the board. "That clock has a huge old bell inside. But I dunno what you would use it for."

"Like I said, a distraction," Dr. Zlo answered. The villain pulled out a small device from his inventory. "I made this for my last crime but never got to use it. It makes whatever it sticks to a big monster, requiring several heroes to stop it."

"Right on," Riptide said. "Want me to go stick it on now?"

"After we scout the interior," Sweet Dream said. "Switch over to your secret identity."

"Roger that," Riptide said, pressing the button on his menu.

Instantly his outfit changed, switching from his rashguard and reflective helmet to a Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts combo. Sandy blond bangs fell in front of Riptide's eyes, the villain blowing them away with a quick puff. Sweet Dream followed suit, her candy-themed dress replaced by sweatpants and a hoodie. Dr. Zlo raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Sweet Dream asked accusingly. "I don't always want to walk around in flashy clothing."

"I didn't say anything," Dr. Zlo answered, switching over to his own secret identity. The villain's signature suit, monocle, and top hat disappeared, replaced by a draping lab coat, jeans, and a polo shirt.

"And you gave me a look for my outfit," Sweet Dream sniffed.

"Let's just scout the area," Dr. Zlo huffed.

"Heck yeah, dudes! Vacation time." Riptide wrapped an arm around his two friends, escorting them inside the mall.

Sleepless City Mall's interior was like every old mall Dylan had seen in tv dramas. Large hallways separated the various storefront buildings inside the mall, massage chairs and assorted houseplants scattered around like haphazardly dropped items. In the middle of it sat a tower of elevators, the machines carrying passengers down to the shops below. A generic clothing store sat to the three's left, mannequins displaying simple outfits for mall-goers to see.

"I see some coats in there," Sweet Dream pointed.

Dr. Zlo clapped his hands, "Perfect. Riptide, head back outside and place this on the bell tower when I give the signal."

The villain pulled a small device out of his inventory, placing it in his friend's hand.

A small device built by the great Dr. Zlo! Once this invention is placed on an object, it transforms it into a giant and powerful monster. Effects may vary based on the object used.

Monster Mash (1 song)

Power Transformer (1)

Sciencium (15g)

Dr. Zlo turned to Sweet Dream, "While he does that, we'll find the other two stores and coordinate."

"Got it," Sweet Dream answered.

"Heck yeah, time to steal all the coats," Riptide cheered.

The surfer exited the building, jumping back onto his invisible board and surfing up to the clock tower. Dr. Zlo and Sweet Dream walked further into the mall, making their way toward the directory sitting nearby. The two studied the sign for a second, eyeing the various shops.

"There," Sweet Dream pointed. "That's a tobacco shop, I think. They'll have cigarettes."

"Perfect," Dr. Zlo said. "Now, all we need to find are liquor chocolates."

"There's a candy store three floors down," Sweet Dream pointed. "That's probably got what we need."

"How apt," Dr. Zlo said. "You can go to the candy store, and I get the cigarettes."

"Sounds good. See you in a bit then. I'll call when I'm ready."

Sweet Dream waved goodbye, walking toward a set of elevators sitting in the middle of the mall. Dr. Zlo waited for a second before turning to the directory again. The tobacco shop sat on the floor below this one, some tacky place named Smoke and Mirrors. Shaking his head, the villain walked over to the elevators and made his way down.

The doors dinged open, and Dr. Zlo made his way inside, squeezing between two mothers, each one with a stroller. The two children inside the stroller babbled as the doors opened, conversing with each other in a language no one but them understood. The villain frowned at the noise. Children's babble made Dr. Zlo queasy.

Dylan had nothing against children; he just thought a villain like Dr. Zlo wouldn't abide by them. Children were supposed to be innocent, cherubic things. So, the complete antithesis of Dr. Zlo. Though, at some point, Dylan wanted his character to make a clone of himself.

It was another fun little trope in superhero fiction. A clone of the biggest, baddest villain ends up turning into a protector of truth and justice. Therefore, Dr. Zlo would have to do it at least once. Maybe after his next big plan fell through.

The elevator's doors dinged, revealing the floor beneath. The layout mimicked the upper floor, long open hallways with scattered chairs, but differed in one way. A small park sat next to the elevators, and Dr. Zlo realized why the mothers were riding with him. Children of all shapes and sizes ran around the play park, screaming shrill battle cries that grated the villain's ears.

Grumbling, Dr. Zlo made his way out of the elevator. He rushed past the playpen, taking care to avoid the little goblins running around and making his way to the smoke shop. As he hurried, a few small hands reached out for his lab coat curiously. Recoiling, Dr. Zlo pulled his jacket tight around his body, hissing at any kid who dared to get close.

The various mothers tried to give the villain looks of contempt, but Dr. Zlo only matched them. A villain of Dr. Zlo's caliber would never allow some dirty child's hands to ruin his outfit.

The danger now behind him, Dr. Zlo walked down the hall to the smoke shop. It was surprisingly crowded for such a niche store. Men stood all around the area, making small talk and sampling the various goods. As he got closer, Dr. Zlo realized a few commonalities between the men. Each wore a bag around their shoulders, its insides stuffed to the brim with various necessities for childcare.

This place was a gathering for baby daddies, Dr. Zlo realized. While the mothers all sat nearby, talking to each other near the candle and perfume store, the men stood around the smoke shop. Dr. Zlo didn't know if he should be impressed at the store's location choice or disgusted. He certainly wouldn't put a shop like this anywhere near kids.

The villain's communicator rang as Dr. Zlo entered the building, skirting past the group of men, each of them giving him squinty-eyed looks as he did. "What is it?" the villain asked once he made his way inside.

"I'm in position," Sweet Dream answered. "Ready when you are."

Dr. Zlo looked around, spotting a security camera in the upper corner of the store. "Give me one second. I need to get out of sight."

The villain edged around the store, shuffling behind the shelves while pretending to look at the accessories. Pipes and hookahs made of reflective material watched Dr. Zlo move past, warping the villain's already thin body. Finally, Dr. Zlo made it under the security camera, next to a set of gaudy cigarette cases.

"Okay, I'm ready. Riptide, are you there?"

Riptide's eager voice spoke over the line, "Ready and rearing!"

"Alright, let's go."

Dr. Zlo closed his communicator, opening his menu and switching back to his villainous persona. The lab coat, polo shirt, and faded jeans fell away, replaced by the villain's signature look.

"Ah, much better," Dr. Zlo said as he adjusted his top hat. "I just don't feel like myself without the monocle."

The villain stepped out from behind the shelf, twirling his cane and nonchalantly walking up to the counter. The employee, a young man with facial piercings and ear gauges the size of Dr. Zlo's thumb, took one look at Dr. Zlo and paled.

"Come now, there's no need to act so scared," Dr. Zlo comforted as he laid his cane on the counter. The villain made sure the end pointed at the employee, no need to get complacent. "I only want a few simple itemscigarettes, nothing more. Of course, I'd like all of your stock. And put it on my tab."

The store employee gulped, "I-I don't think I can do that."

Dr. Zlo picked up his cane and placed it under the employee's chin, "Well, isn't that a shame. I'd hate to ruin a nice little place like this."

"L-Look," the employee stammered. "Sleepless City has more supers per capita than anywhere else. You can't think you'd get away with this."

Dr. Zlo leaned back and groaned, "Even simple shopkeeps say it now!"

"'You can't keep getting away with this!'" Dr. Zlo mocked. "Honestly. Does no one have any originality? You!"

The villain turned and pointed his cane at one of the men at the front of the store. The group, who, up until this point, paid no attention to Dr. Zlo, all turned in unison. A few of the men's eyes widened, realizing who was in front of them.

"Good, I see my reputation proceeds me," Dr. Zlo nodded. "I have a question for one of you. Don't worry, only one. The rest of you can leave."

The men all looked at each other in a panic, unsure of what to do.

Dr. Zlo rolled his eyes, "It's not a trap. I'm only going to stop the slowest one. So, you best book it."

Instantly the pack turned, save for one young man holding a defiant look.

"Well look at that!" Dr. Zlo exclaimed. "Someone wants to be a hero!"

"Let that man go," the young father said.

Dr. Zlo raised an eyebrow, "Or what?"