Vaudevillain

As Easy As... (13)

"Not so fast!" Psy-Ops shouted.

Dr. Zlo whirled to see the hero finishing up with Riptide, the villain's board sliced in two. Riptide lay on the ground, a net entangling his limbs.

"Sorry, dude!" Riptide said. "He caught me off guard!"

Dr. Zlo shook his head, "I should have expected as much. Very well then, Psy-Ops. Prepare to lose!"

"Right back at you," Psy-Ops said.

The two supers charged at each other, Dr. Zlo unleashing a blast of adhesive. Psy-Ops ducked under the attack, letting the viscous liquid sail past and right into Riptide.

"Ugh, this is so gross, dude," the surfer commented.

Dr. Zlo followed up by directing his hat and gloves toward Psy-Ops. The hat drone brandished its claws at Psy-Ops, and the hero met the attack with his blade.

The force of Psy-Ops's blow sent the hat drone reeling, giving the hero enough time to pull out another weapon. It gleamed under the fluorescent light of the building, the nozzle holding a steel net intent on trapping anything under it.

"Oh no you don't!" Dr. Zlo shouted, aiming his laser at Psy-Ops. The villain blasted the gun, forcing the hero to twist out of the way.

Psy-Ops's shot went wide. The net soared past the two, landing over a group of officials. Dr. Zlo cackled at the scene, turning back to Psy-Ops with a bow.

"It seems you've caught another type of criminal! How anarchic!"

"Shut it!" Psy-Ops shouted. "We both know you can't beat me. I can read all of your moves."

"Ah, perhaps," Dr. Zlo admitted. "But I still have my bombs!"

The villain reached down to pry another button off his suit, only to feel tough silk. Confused, the villain looked down to see none of his bombs left.

"It seems your explosives are all used up," Psy-Ops laughed.

"A predicament, to be sure," Dr. Zlo admitted. "However, one setback won't stop me from succeeding in my ultimate goal! After all, I still have a minion!"

The villain turned, "Zlo-Mite! Come assist me!"

The Imp turned, their eyes big, "Really?!"

"Don't make a big deal of it," Dr. Zlo said. "Not if you want it to happen again."

The Imp placed both hands over their mouth, clamping it shut before they could say anything else. Eagerly, the reality warper flew over to Dr. Zlo, landing next to the villain and miming his actions.

Psy-Ops tried to hold back his laughter at the scene.

Dr. Zlo gave the hero a glare as if daring him to ask about The Imp.

After no words came, the villain turned to his miniature, "Make sure our friend here gets his just desserts."

"Oh wow! Okay!" The Imp said.

Psy-Ops braced himself, crouching low as the reality warper moved in. The hero's power showed Psy-Ops all the possible lines of attack that could come from The Imp. The ones he could see anyway.

But Psy-Ops was also smart and had learned a few things during his stint as a hero. So when The Imp disappeared from his vision, Psy-Ops immediately fell into a roll. Sure enough, the reality warper appeared behind the hero, swiping at his head with his rattle cane.

Psy-Ops made an awkward turn, swinging out with the sword in his hand. The Imp laughed in surprise.

"This is fun!" he squealed as the sword moved toward him.

With a wave of his hand, The Imp changed the sword into foam and let it bounce harmlessly off them.

"Oh come on!" Psy-Ops shouted. "Do you know how much that sword cost me?"

"Nope!" The Imp laughed. "Here, have a cookie and feel better!"

Again the reality warper teleported out of Psy-Ops's vision, and the hero again leaped out of the way. This time, Psy-Ops pulled out a gun and a few of his grenades, firing at The Imp as they reappeared. The reality warper changed all the bullets into sprinkles, catching them on the cookie as they launched toward him. Psy-Ops threw the grenade after, letting it land right at The Imp's feet.

"Here, have a present!" the hero quipped.

"Oh goodie!" The Imp said. "I love gifts."

The NPC reached down to pick up the grenade, the thing changing as they touched it. Instead of an explosive, The Imp picked up a bright red package with a neat green bow, inside of which sat a series of Dr. Zlo figures. Psy-Ops clicked his tongue. It seemed this foe was going to be tricky. In fact, the hero wasn't sure how he could win.

But for a moment, The Imp was distracted, giving Psy-Ops time to think. The hero snapped a look toward Dr. Zlo. The villain had elected to ignore the hero in favor of delivering a megalomaniacal speech to the cowering officials. It seemed Dr. Zlo was sure The Imp would win the fight.

If only Psy-Ops could figure out why the NPC was following Dr. Zlo. The little miniature didn't seem like the villain type. It was too happy-go-lucky.

Well, it seemed amiable enough. Maybe The Imp would be open to conversation.

"Hey, why are you listening to Dr. Zlo anyway?" Psy-Ops asked as he stood.

"Because he's my dad!" The Imp said proudly."He's teaching me all about being evil! Like how to take what I want and screw the consequences!"

Psy-Ops snorted at the words. Dr. Zlo, a dad? Now, there was an image the hero wouldn't forget for a while. It didn't fit Dr. Zlo's aesthetic at all and must be causing all sorts of annoyance for the villain.

"I never thought Dr. Zlo had it in him to be a parent," Psy-Ops continued.

The hero ducked again as The Imp disappeared from view, rolling to the side and dodging another attack.

"Stand still!" The Imp pouted.

"Why? Scared of a little tag?" Psy-Ops taunted.

"I'm not scared of anything!" The Imp argued. The reality warper teleported again, keeping Psy-Ops moving.

The two started to perform a strange dance. Psy-Ops rolled around the building, avoiding the various attacks from The Imp by a hair. The reality warper continually flitted around the hero, appearing in all kinds of poses as they tried to tag Psy-Ops. At some point, The Imp stopped focusing so hard on the hero and kept glancing at the cookie in his hands.

Noticing this, Psy-Ops continued the conversation. "I've seen you eyeing that cookie. Why don't you eat it?"

"Because it's for you?" The Imp said.

"But you're a villain," Psy-Ops reasoned. "Villains don't have to share."

"But dad said I have to feed this to you," The Imp said.

"But your dad also told you to be a villain, right?" Psy-Ops said, dodging another half-hearted attempt by The Imp.

"Yeah" the reality warper answered.

"And villains don't have to listen to anyone if they don't want to, right?" Psy-Ops continued.

"Uh-huh," The Imp said.

Psy-Ops stopped running, "So, I think you can eat the cookie if you want to. Heck, you could eat all the cookies if you wanted to."

The Imp's eyes went big, "Really?"

"What's Dr. Zlo going to do anyway? Can he even stop you?"

The Imp shook their head. "I'm stronger than dad. I know that."

"Then, there you go," Psy-Ops said. "Eat all the cookies you want."

The Imp looked to battle with itself for a bit, looking between Psy-Ops and the cookie with intent concentration. Psy-Ops stayed tense, ready to leap out of the way as soon as The Imp left his vision.

But the hero's words paid off as The Imp finally came to a decision. In one large bite, the NPC chomped through the cookie, bullet sprinkles and all.

"MMMMMMM! IT'S SO GOOD!" the reality warper shouted. "I want more!"

The Imp devoured the rest of the cookie, looking around for a bit before turning to Psy-Ops. The NPC rushed forward, stopping right in front of the hero. "Do you know where I can find more cookies?"

"I'm sure Dr. Zlo knows," Psy-Ops said with a smirk.

The Imp spun in the air, "Yippee! More cookies! Dad! Do you have more cookies?"

Psy-Ops laughed as the NPC rushed off toward Dr. Zlo. It looked like the villain would be the one to get their just desserts.

Dr. Zlo whirled mid-speech as the Imp yelled. In a second, the villain realized what happened. The Imp ate one of the cookies.

Honestly, Dylan expected it to happen a lot earlier, so the tiny miniature running at him wasn't exactly a surprise. Though, Dr. Zlo wouldn't realize the issue until it was too late.

"Zlo-Mite! Why haven't you stopped Psy-Ops?"

"Because I want more cookies!" The Imp demanded.

Dr. Zlo scoffed, "What? No cookies until you beat up the hero!"

The Imp made a face, "But I want them now!"

"You're not getting them now," Dr. Zlo snapped. "Not until we take over the city!"

The Imp shook their hands, shaking the building around them, "Give me cookies, now!"

The roof above started to splinter, pieces of rubble falling. One fell right on top of Riptide, finally taking the villain out of the fight. Sweet Dream and Fursation stopped their battle, having to dodge the falling debris. The two broke off, moving to stand next to their respective companions.

"Zlo-Mite!" Dr. Zlo shouted with a thrust of his cane. "Don't make me discipline you!"

"Give me cookies!" The Imp screamed.

"Just give him a d*mn cookie," Sweet Dream complained. "I can't deal with that screeching voice."

"No way," Dr. Zlo said. "He needs to learn how to listen if he wants to get rewards!"

"I don't have to listen to you!" The Imp shouted. "I'm stronger than you! That means you have to listen to me! That's what villains do!"

Sweet Dream gave Dr. Zlo a deadpan look.

"What?" Dr. Zlo asked.

Sweet Dream thrust an arm at The Imp, "Did you honestly tell him might makes right? To the reality warper?!"

"Well, it's true, isn't it?" Dr. Zlo shouted back.

"Since when do villains tell the truth, you idiot!!" Sweet Dream countered. "Now we have to deal with a reality warper throwing a tantrum!"

"I can handle it!" Dr. Zlo shouted.