Re:life with Karmic Gacha (Modern Family)

Chapter 318: Chapter 318: Krampus (Gacha) – Promotion Test.

(3 Chapter today)

[Edward POV]

Although I imagined waking up in a white room, I found myself in the middle of a snowstorm instead, stranded in the middle of nowhere. Shivering intensely, I trudged through the storm until I spotted a cottage nearby.

My teeth chattered, and my face paled; my skin felt like it was turning blue from the cold. I approached the cottage slowly and knocked on the door.

*Bang bang bang!*

The door creaked open without anyone answering, so I hurried inside and shut the door behind me.

"Good God! At least give me a horse I could cut open and sleep inside," I muttered, rushing to the fireplace to start a fire. My hands shook as I fumbled with the matches I found nearby. The first match broke as I tried to light it.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I struck the second match and successfully lit it before tossing it into the fireplace. Before long, flames flickered to life, and warmth spread throughout the cottage.

Wrapping myself in a checkered blanket I found, I stood in front of the fire, trying to soak in the heat.

"I thought I was supposed to be in the afterlife, spinning some roulette. Why am I here?" I mumbled, glancing around the cozy space.

Suddenly, I noticed a stack of files on the table alongside a glass of milk and a cookie that definitely hadn't been there before. The file had my name on it. I picked up the warm glass of milk to thaw my hands and bit into the cookie before opening the file.

However, I was distracted by the carving on top of the fireplace that I couldn't see when it was still dark before.

"Belsnickel Cottage?" I was surprised when I read who the cottage belonged to. "Am I in the North Pole? Will I meet Santa here?" I chortled a bit before reading the file.

[Name: Edward Newgate]

Affiliation: Senior Agent of the Afterlife Corps. (Level 2)

Current Status: Singer / Game Maker / Inventor / Apps Developer / Chef / Role Model / Government Precious Asset / Influencer / World Famous Celebrity / Caltech Aspirant / Scientist / Backstory Addict / Storyteller / Cult-Like Leader / Survivor; (4 more).

Positive Karma: 2.3 Billion (500 million in storage)

Negative Karma: -72 million

Followers: 30 million people.

Afterlife Benefit:

Ability to trade with the afterlife using karmic points, two times per year. (½ used) Storage increased to 1 Billion karmic points. Access to Samsara tree.Participation in the next nexus event.

"Followers? I have 75 million followers on Instagram, though, so this number isn't accurate," I mumbled as I flipped through the pages.

"How did I get to level 2?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "Maybe this followers thing has something to do with it?" As I scrutinized the sheet, I inhaled deeply and took another bite of the cookie.

The cookie was so dry that I needed half of the milk in the glass to wash it down. It wasn't even sweet; it tasted like bark. But I'd been raised by Sanji not to waste any food, so I kept going until I finished it.

"Nexus event? Samsara tree?" I muttered in confusion after reading the upgraded information. My eyes widened slightly in excitement as I saw the trading ability.

"That means I can buy another talent shredder, right?" I said excitedly. After reading my gacha list, I focused on the two talents I wanted to remove.

[Purple Quality Gacha – 'Joey Tribiani – 3 Month Expiry Date for Relationships' Special Talent]

[Red Quality Gacha – 'Joey Tribiani – Enjoy Life by Never Finding the One True Love, or Getting Married' Talent]

"Should I remove the time limit or the certainty that the one I dated won't be 'the one'?" I mumbled to myself.

As time dragged on, there were still no signs of the gacha session. "How do I get out of this?" I muttered, glancing around the room while still wrapped in the blanket.

"Is it the Christmas tree?" I approached the tree adorned with red and gold ornaments, but when I touched them, I realized they were just ordinary decorations.

"What's going on?" I asked, frustration creeping in. "What am I supposed to do here?" My teeth chattered as the room remained intensely cold despite the fire. I settled in front of it, the only place where I could feel any warmth.

Suddenly, the lights flickered, and the fire went out. "What?" White smoke escaped my mouth, and frost began to creep across my skin. "Damn it." I tried to reignite the fire, but it was no use.

Ice started to form around the room, slowly encroaching on where I sat. "Damn it. I want to end the—!" I shouted, realizing I could escape if I could just end the session. But before I could do that, a huge, bony hand shot out of the fireplace, emerging from the chimney. The wrinkled, monstrous hand with long nails wrapped tightly around my head.

Before I could react, it yanked me into the fireplace, and I disappeared from the cottage. Meanwhile, my body floated in the real world, scaring Max unconscious—a fact I wouldn't learn until later.

"EDWARD NEWGATE!" Krampus, the demon of Christmas, loomed over me, his half-goat, half-demon form towering at ten meters tall. He pulled me slowly toward his giant, sharp-toothed mouth, invoking a primal fear within me.

"Ahh!" I shouted as he nearly swallowed me whole. But just before he could do that, I heard a German accent shout, "Release him, Krampus! He is not impish this year!"

I turned to see Belsnickel tied to a Christmas tree, gingerbread demons poking at him angrily.

Krampus halted, turning his attention to Belsnickel. In a deep, grating voice, he said, "He... IS... IMPISH."

"Nuh-uh. I'm not naughty." I shook my head vigorously, my face devoid of color. Krampus looked surprised and replied, "That's impossible."

He placed me down roughly, making me stumble to the ground. Then he slid over to Belsnickel and growled, "He's here to be punished."

"But he's not on ze naughty list," Belsnickel protested, despite his evident fear.

"Um, sorry. But I'm supposed to be here for the afterlife session. I didn't know I would be judged," I interjected with a wry smile as I stood up properly. "At the very least, it isn't very cold here," I muttered.

The room was filled with snow globes, the size of a beach ball. I peeked into one of them, I saw the silhouette of a human, presumably punished by Krampus. My heart raced as I walked toward the two towering beings.

"So I think I'm just going to go." I gulped my saliva despite trying to look calm, and then said, "I want to end the session."

After I read his letter, I studied a bit about Krampus. He was Santa's counterpart who would kidnap naughty children and drag them to the underworld. Many people thought of him as a monster.

I had some reservation on making judgement as he was part of the Afterlife Corps, but now that I've met him... there is judgement.

Krampus was surprised that I asked to end the session, however, he just laughed disdainfully as time passed by and I was still there. "You cannot get out without my permission." Gleeful at my misery, Krampus's shoulder moved as he laughed.

"Um, I'm going to run." I pointed at the door casually. "Nice to meet you, Belsnickel." I waved at the dirty bearded man and he looked blankly at me. "Bye–"

Krampus's hand reached out for me again, and I ducked instantly before running away. The gingerbread man tried to block me, but they were 10 inches tall. I crushed one of them with my leg and grabbed the knife he had with him.

"GET. BACK. HERE!" Krampus shouted, swinging his massive hand around the room in an attempt to capture me. I grabbed multiple butter knives and sharp objects, hurling them at Belsnickel to try and cut the ropes binding him.

The gingerbread man regenerated and charged at me again. I scoffed, "This might be a problem for me if my mentor wasn't Luffy. I wonder if you can still regenerate once I eat you."

Horrified by my threat, the gingerbread man stopped in his tracks, gasped, and bolted in the opposite direction.

The sharp objects I threw did nothing; the rope was too thick, and the utensils were too small. "Why do I feel like I'm in Jack the Giant Slayer?" I muttered, running in circles as Krampus chased me.

Grunting with frustration, I yelled, "Ahh! How can I get out of here?" I picked up random items and threw them at Krampus, but none were effective—until I grabbed a snowglobe.

"Herghh..." Grunting as I picked up the heavy snow globe over my head, I threw it far towards Krampus, however, it was leaning left and wasn't going to hit him.

"Hup!" Krampus leaped to the side to catch the snowball, finally pausing for a moment. "Oh-ho?" I smirked devilishly, noticing the sweat on his forehead.

"O-Okay. You can leave—" Krampus stammered, but I seized the opportunity and threw another snow globe to his left.

"Hup!" He jumped again to grab the globe. I dashed through the shelves, pushing every snow globe I could reach.

"Motherfu—" Krampus cursed as he scrambled to collect the globes before they shattered. With him distracted, I rushed to Belsnickel and began untying the ropes around him.

"Use ze scissors!" Belsnickel urged. I snatched a golden pair of scissors, larger than my torso, and cut the restraints. Belsnickel laughed as he broke free. "Judgment is nigh, for Belsnickel is—"

Before he could finish, Krampus tackled him, and they began grappling on the floor. I let out a breath of relief, watching Belsnickel fight back, and sat on one of the shelves.

I caught a gingerbread man trying to escape and took a bite, starting from its legs. It struggled and screamed in fear as I munched on it. Suddenly, a human silhouette inside a nearby snow globe knocked on the glass, trying to get my attention.

"Hmm?" I turned toward it, and the silhouette morphed into the figure of a boy, around ten years old.

"Help! Please, help me!" he begged.

Startled, I dropped the gingerbread man, who quickly crawled away in relief, and approached the snow globe.

"Sorry, can you see me?" I asked.

"Yeah! Please help me! That monster kidnapped me from my house and killed my parents! Please! Please!" The boy's face was streaked with tears. My eyes widened as I realized there were thousands of snow globes in the room. My expression faltered, and I looked at Krampus with disgust.

"Stay back," I said, grabbing the scissors again and jamming them into the snow globe. The glass cracked, and the boy smiled in relief, holding back his tears before he whispered, "Thank you," and vanished.

"Stop!" Krampus yelled as I shattered another snow globe. A blonde girl smiled before disappearing as well. "I SAID STOP!" he shouted, pushing Belsnickel's head to the ground. "Stop, or I will kill him."

His words made me hesitate, but Belsnickel shouted, "No need to stop! Please, save the children!"

"Stop, Newgate! What you're doing is useless. Even if you help them break free now, I can still come back and take them again," Krampus said after I broke the eighteenth snow globe.

I split the scissor into two, turning them into blades, and cut off the top of the snowglobes with my sword skills. 20 globes were broken before Krampus could even finish his words.

I finally stopped and turned toward him. "I swear I will kill you before that." My voice was cold, and it cut through his amusement. He laughed gratingly and replied, "You cannot kill me, child."

"Oh, maybe not now. But I'm sure I can get Gong Shin and Sage to help me out. I don't think they know what you're doing here, do they?" I threatened. Belsnickel, still pinned to the floor, added, "They don't know. Tell them. Just leave through the door. You will find them."

I nodded at Belsnickel, but before I could run, Krampus said, "Wait. How about... a deal? Even if you call them, I could take thousands—no, hundreds of thousands with me before they arrive."

"What deal?" I asked warily after thinking for a while.

"You... in exchange for them all," he offered, pointing at me with his claw. Belsnickel tried to protest, but Krampus covered his mouth. "I cannot keep you for long. The others will find me," he continued.

"So, how about three months?" Krampus proposed. "Three months in the underworld. And I promise not to kidnap any children."

"And how long will three months in the underworld be in my real life?" I asked, knowing there had to be a catch. Krampus's eyes turned into crescent moon smiles.

"Sharp," he muttered. "I want you more." He added, "Three months in your real life too."

"What condition will I be in while I'm there?" I pressed.

"Coma," Krampus replied.

"Hmm..." I thought it over before asking, "You won't kidnap, drag, or torture any children forever or just while I'm there?"

"While you're there." Before he could finish, I dashed toward the front door. "Wait! Forever," he shouted.

I stopped and turned back to him. "Swear it."

He went silent, and I shouted, "SWEAR IT!"

"I swear!" he replied. "Your soul is worth more than the naughty children's."

"Say the full sentence as you swear," I demanded, my voice firm.

Krampus narrowed his eyes, a mixture of annoyance and respect flickering across his face.Krampus smirked, a chilling grin that sent a shiver down my spine. "You're a bold one, Edward Newgate. I like that. Very well..."

"I swear that I will not kidnap, drag, or torture any children while you are in the underworld, exchanging your freedom and peace for 3 month of torture, to save all the children that I had taken, and would take in the future, forever."

"Wait. Torture is included?" I muttered in disbelief.

"Of course," Krampus laughed maniacally. "Is it a deal?" He asked, extending his hand towards me.

"Hmmm..." I pondered for a moment. "Three months. My dad will be worried sick. Not to mention my schedule will be a mess." n/ô/vel/b//jn dot c//om

Belsnickel finally freed his mouth and chimed in, "Your friends too. They will be depressed."

I grabbed my chin, deep in thought. "Alright, deal." I extended my hand for a handshake.

Krampus cackled evilly, and just as our hands were about to touch, the entire room vanished. Belsnickel, the snowglobes, Krampus's giant form, the gingerbread man—everything was gone.

"What happened?" I muttered in shock, spinning around. Then I noticed Gong Shin standing beside a teenager with goat horns, both looking at me curiously.

"I told you he would pass," Gong Shin said, holding out his palm to the teenager. The teenager groaned, rummaged through his wallet, and reluctantly handed Gong Shin ten dollars. "He might be suicidal. You don't know for sure."

Gong Shin grinned mischievously. "Even so, if he can consider sacrificing his own happiness to save a stranger's soul, then he has the qualities of an Afterlife Agent. We are a company of karmic forces, after all."

"Um, can anyone tell me what's happening?" I asked, stepping closer to Gong Shin.

"Ed, you already met him. Krampus," Gong Shin introduced the teenager beside him.

"I don't want to stay," Krampus grumbled before vanishing in a puff of smoke.

Gong Shin laughed and said, "Ignore him. That guy is a sore loser." He then explained my ordeal and how it was necessary for them to test my character, but I wasn't convinced.

"You guys were just using me for excitement, weren't you? Where is that old bearded Belsnickel? Is he even real?" I asked, exasperated, a tired smile on my face.

Gong Shin chuckled. "He is real. Edward, we can talk more later, but five hours have passed in the real world. This is the longest you've ever been in the afterlife. We should get to the session quickly, or you'll be pulled out of here without your present."

We walked together to a nearby door.

"Present? Not gacha draws?" I asked, confused.

Gong Shin stopped, turned toward me, and said, "Honestly, even if we charged you one million karma for the presents, would that be a problem?"

"No," I replied, a hint of sadness creeping into my tone. "But then it won't be gacha..."

"Not quite." Gong Shin opened the door, revealing a room overflowing with wrapped presents—tens of thousands of them.

"Let's see. You broke 20 orbs, so you can pick out a maximum of 20 presents from the room," Gong Shin explained. "You also have only 20 seconds, so be fast. Time starts now!"

Without waiting for more questions, I lunged into the room. Stacking four boxes together, I held the heavy presents with both hands and asked, "Can I put them outside first?" The stack was three meters tall, towering over me.

"No! You only have one chance. Once you're out, it's over," he said casually.

"Damn it." I cursed and quickly stacked ten boxes together, shoving smaller ones into my clothes, even tucking a small rectangular box into my sock.

"THREE..." Gong Shin began his countdown. I trudged toward the door, relying on his voice as my guide since I couldn't see anything. The boxes shook, becoming unsteady.

"TWO." Gong Shin counted again. I sprinted toward the door, but one present slipped from my grip and fell to the floor—the top one, shaped like a heart.

"ONE!" Gong Shin said with a smile as I barely managed to get out of the room. All the presents tumbled to the floor, but I made it out with the majority intact.

"Good job. You got 14 presents out of the room in time," Gong Shin applauded me before adding, "Ah, I forgot to tell you. Some of the boxes are empty, so you may gain nothing. You did check to make sure there's something inside, right?"

"..." I was speechless for a moment, then mumbled, "I... didn't."

"Hmm... I guess we'll just see how your luck goes." He smirked, and I was now sure he hadn't told me the rule on purpose. "Pick out a box and open it," he instructed. "I'll play some songs while you do." Gong Shin then played some instrumental holiday music in the background.

I picked up the small present that I had tucked into my sock and said, "This has some weight to it." Slowly, I untied the green ribbon and opened the lid.

Inside, there was a locket with an inscription:

[Green Quality Gacha – Nezuko – Ability to look cute while being muzzled]

The quality of the gacha is ranked in ascending order: White, Green, Purple, Red, and Gold. Each color represents a different level of power or rarity, with White being the lowest quality and Gold being the highest.

"Is the quality labeled using the ribbon color?" I asked Gong Shin.

"I couldn't tell you, but since you guessed it, then yeah," Gong Shin agreed easily.

"Oh, I will open the white ones first," I muttered as I walked toward a present with a peculiar wrapping that had pigeons on it. After I opened it, I found a top hat inside.

[White Quality Gacha – Rob Lucci – Pigeon's Ventriloquism.]

"Maybe I can try it out with Vader," I mumbled. I decided to open all the green and white quality presents first, saving the red and gold ones for last.

[White Quality Gacha – Lauren LeFranc – The Penguin Series Production and Complete Show Memory]

[White Quality Gacha – Reinhardt van Astrea – Blessing of Mist: Mist does not hinder his view (Talent category)]

[Green Quality Gacha – Saintess Lua – Special Passive Ability – Saint Halo; Exorcising ghosts in a 200-meter radius]

[Purple Quality Gacha – Nero – Perfect Mechanical Sense Ability: Increases total Machinery Affinity by x1.4 (The legendary mechanic)]

When I opened the next box, it was empty. Gong Shin snickered at me and said, "That's why you should check first."

I sighed and tossed the empty box aside. "Still, I got a nice haul."

"If you weren't nice this year, you wouldn't get to pick from the good pile," Gong Shin remarked. I nodded in understanding and opened another purple quality gacha.

Inside, golden and black eyes floated around, some dripping with what looked like blood. I picked it without thinking, but now I was worried it might not be good.

[Purple Quality – Uchiha Shisui – One Tomoe Sharingan (Ability)]

"Oh shit." I turned to Gong Shin, who wore a surprised expression. "Can I give this back? I don't even have chakra to use it." With a worried expression, I handed the present box to him.

"It's useless without chakra. Just pray that you don't get any chakra or any other sort of internal energy," Gong Shin said, holding his palm up as if to say he couldn't take it back. Unless I used the shredder, I couldn't return it.

I sighed and opened another box adorned with flower petals.

[Purple Quality – Ino Yamanaka – Genin Level Chakra]

"Fuck." I turned to Gong Shin, my eyes filled with accusations. He shook his head immediately and said, "No. I really didn't plan this."

Gong Shin read the inscription and added, "Oh. You might still be fine. It's not regenerating chakra. It's just a genin level chakra volume. Without the chakra extraction technique, you cannot regain what you have lost."

I felt only slightly relieved. "If the next box contains the extraction technique, then I will write a formal protest to the corporation," I threatened, even though I knew it was a meaningless threat.

"You chose it," Gong Shin mumbled under his breath. "Why are you blaming me?"

I had five more boxes left—two red and three gold. I decided to open the red box first and was pleasantly surprised by what I found.

[Red Quality Gacha Consumable – Fix It Felix – Special Skill: Fixing (Three-time use)]

"Oh, this one is great. Shouldn't I have the hammer too?" I asked.

"Use any hammer you have," Gong Shin replied.

"Can I use this to fix my villa?" I asked with an expectant smile. "Oh, but then people would be suspicious if it was restored so quickly."

Gong Shin shook his head. "The range isn't that big. It can fix anything up to a car, but nothing larger."

"Damn it. It's still a great prize, though," I muttered before picking up another red quality gacha. But it was empty inside. Or so I thought.

As I flipped the box, a small piece of paper dropped to the ground.

[Red Quality – Knowledge – Craftsman Robot (Doraemon)]

"Doraemon? So it's a gadget from the 22nd century?" I was excited because Doraemon's gadgets were often considered Black Technology. I didn't know exactly what it was, but I was sure it was something good.

Finally, it was time for the main prize. "Hurry up, Edward. You have three minutes left," Gong Shin reminded me.

I nodded and said, "First things first, I want a talent shredder."

"Which talent would you like to shred?" he asked.

"Let's go with the expiry date. The other one says 'One True Love,' but that doesn't mean I can't still find love, right?" I asked Gong Shin for a hint, wondering if I was making the right choice.

"Okay. I'll deduct one billion karma for the exchange," Gong Shin said.

"Thank you," I replied before opening my golden boxes.

[Gold Quality Gacha – Knowledge – Hyperdyne Systems Model 120-A/2 Android – Weyland-Yutani (Alien Franchise)]

"An android? Another piece of broken technology. I don't know if I'll ever get to the level to create these things," I mumbled before opening the next box. Inside was a book.

[Gold Quality Gacha – Special Ability – Teacher's Aura: 300% boost in student understanding when taught face to face, 150% if taught indirectly]

"I guess my community college course plan will be easier now," I said, tucking the book into my pocket.

"Nice. Now, the last one," I muttered in excitement before opening the final box.

[Black-Gold Quality Gacha Consumable – Van Hohenheim – Philosopher's Stone Level Large Scale Transmutation]

"Nice. I can build the Batcave without anyone noticing," I said excitedly, rubbing my hands together to remove imaginary dust. However, as I moved, I felt a small box hidden inside my clothes.

"Hmm? Did something get in?" I said, pulling a ring-sized box from my shirt. I opened it without checking the quality, as there wasn't much time left.

[Special Consumable – (One-time use) Talent Shredder]

I was skeptical about my own luck as I read the prize. "I don't even remember picking up that box," I muttered. But I was grateful regardless, considering I could remove both of the troublesome talents at the same time.

"Wait. Since both of them are removed now... does that mean my two-year plan is useless?"

After some thoughts, I muttered, "So Gong Shin guessed right. I did get 14 prizes."

After removing my negative karma and donating my positive karma, my session finally ended.

[Flashback]

While Edward was stuffing a small circular box inside his t-shirt, the wind nudged the small box to fall from the top of the present hill. It bounced on several gifts before landing inside Edward's t-shirt without him knowing.

[Flashback ends]

...

As I opened my eyes, I saw my grandmother sleeping on the chair next to my bed. Smiling softly, I looked around the room and saw Amy, Maggie, my dad, and Frankie standing around.

Suddenly, I smelt something acrid, but the smell was fleeting. I quickly lifted up my blanket to check if I had peed myself.

The sudden movement alerted everyone, and woke up my grandmother. "Edward!" My dad called as he rushed to the bed.

"Why am I smelling pee?" I asked my dad before he could even say anything. My dad was startled and smiled wryly, "Long story."