Chapter 324
Chapter 324
The guilty remain silent.
Thus, Reinhart kept quiet, merely observing the situation.
Ellen also walked without saying a word.
The two of them maintained a reasonable distance, with Ellen slightly ahead and Reinhart following behind.
The festival would last until the weekend was over. It was less crowded at nighttime, but Main Street was still brightly lit. They walked up the hill near the Royal Class dormitory, taking in the night view as they went.
The two of them walked for a long time.
Though they didn’t run together, this was the same running course they both used each dawn. Therefore, the place was familiar even at night, and they both knew where the path led.
The two walked down a path they both knew well.
At the top of the hill with a good view, Ellen sat down on a bench first, and Reinhart cautiously sat beside her.
“I didn’t tell you to sit.”
“Oh, uh, right.”
Startled by Ellen’s words, Reinhart quickly stood up as soon as he had sat down.
Seeing Reinhart startled, Ellen laughed.
“Does it matter whether I tell you to sit or not?”
“... Uh, well... um... so...”
“Just sit.”
Reinhart was uncharacteristically overly cautious, as if he had committed a grave mistake.
As she watched Reinhart take a seat hesitantly beside her, Ellen quietly looked down at the view of the Temple below her.
‘Had Reinhart committed such a grave mistake? Why was it even a mistake?’
Ellen couldn’t precisely explain why, but it felt as if the whole world had abandoned her. It was sorrowful and heartbreaking.
The reality wasn’t like that, though. Rather, the whole world had chosen her, and it was only one person who had abandoned her.
Why did it then feel like the whole world had abandoned her?
That was because, to Ellen, Reinhart was her whole world.
Ellen watched as flowers began to fall in front of her eyes.
However, they weren’t flowers.
“Snow...”
“... Yeah.”
Before they knew it, snow was falling.
Snowflakes, like white flowers, were gently descending.
It wasn’t a particularly harmonious situation.
The two didn’t know what to say to each other, afraid that even a single wrong word might hurt them both.
Reinhart didn’t know how to explain his circumstances, and Ellen didn’t know how to explain her wounds.
Both of them knew that even a slight misstep in words could lead to a big fight, so they both remained silent.
‘Who are you?’
‘What are you?’
‘What are we, really?’
Knowing that such words would only hurt each other if spoken, neither of them could speak.
And so they said nothing.
On a snowy winter night, Ellen and Reinhart sat quietly on the bench, letting the snow fall on them.
The night was cold, so the snow on the ground didn’t melt.
As soon as it touched the ground, the snow was blown away by the wind, drifting off into the distance.
That’s what snow did: it piled up in corners, driven by the wind.
“...”
“...”
‘What are we? How did it come to this? Where did things go wrong for it to end up like this?’ Ellen wondered, but she couldn’t pinpoint where it all began.
‘Was it when Reinhart got knocked out by my practice sword during our first sparring session in swordsmanship class?
‘Was it when Reinhart woke up after passing out and invited me to have a strange, unheard-of lunch together?
‘Was it when Reinhart started meddling with my midnight snacking habits?
‘Was it the first time Reinhart cooked for me?
‘Or was it when I couldn’t stand his constant interference and began teaching him swordsmanship?
‘Or perhaps it was after we went to the Dark Land and experienced those horrific events?’
Ellen retraced each moment and eventually realized the truth.
There were beginnings scattered everywhere, slowly piling up and growing into something significant.
Piled-up snow could be cleared away, but the time that had accumulated couldn’t be erased.
Thus, the moments labeled with the name tag “Reinhart” had piled up in the space of her heart.
It had piled up and piled up, and Ellen’s heart was filled with moments labeled with Reinhart’s name.
At that moment, she almost wanted to hate him, but she found it difficult to.
Even if she tried to fill the empty spaces in her heart with resentment and disappointment towards him, too much of it had already been filled up.
She couldn’t bring herself to hate him, even if she wanted to.
And it was strange how she already knew, that even if Reinhart couldn’t say it, he felt very sorry.
The fact that Reinhart had spent all that time outside doing nothing, letting his hands and face turn red from the cold, was because he couldn’t explain why he had disappointed her again, and he felt sorry for that.
Even though she was the one who was upset, Ellen somehow felt that Reinhart was struggling more.
She could see that Reinhart was tormented because he couldn’t even say he was sorry.
Ellen wondered what was troubling Reinhart so much, but as always, he wouldn’t tell her.
“You didn’t have to come to see me,” Ellen said.
“... Huh?”
“You didn’t have to come to see me,” Ellen said quietly.
The two of them had no obligations to each other in any way.
“So... don’t feel too sorry...” she said.
Ellen spoke gently, telling Reinhart that he didn’t need to feel obligated, and he didn’t need to feel so guilty for not fulfilling that obligation. There was no reason for Ellen to feel disappointed either.
Reinhart quietly watched Ellen.
She wasn’t unaffected by it all. Reinhart watched Ellen pretending to be unaffected.
Whoosh.
“Ah.”
Suddenly, Reinhart pulled Ellen into an embrace.
“Just... get angry already...” Reinhart said.
“...”
“It’s scarier and makes me feel guiltier when you hold it in...”
“...”
Ellen’s mind had made the judgment that there was no reason to be angry, but her heart couldn’t help but feel hurt and upset.
‘Are we the kind of people who get angry and feel hurt over things like this?’
Ellen couldn’t be sure, yet Reinhart was holding her.
Because of how long Reinhart had been outside, his body and hands were cold, so being held by him only made Ellen feel even colder.
Yet, despite shivering from the cold, Reinhart continued to hold her.
Whatever had happened, whatever had kept him away was making him feel even more sorry, even though he was struggling more.
If he was feeling it to this extent, it had to have been something truly unavoidable.
Ellen tried to convince herself of this.
But people don’t understand things they think they can understand.
They understand what they want to understand.
At that moment, Ellen wanted to understand Reinhart. So, she accepted the fact that he’d had to deal with something terribly important.
Given how much Reinhart was struggling, she convinced herself that it had to have been something significant.
Wrapped in Reinhart’s cold embrace, Ellen gritted her teeth.
Reinhart’s shirt gradually became wet.
“... I was... hurt...”
“I’m sorry.”
“I... I worked... worked so... so hard... to prepare...”
Ellen, trembling slightly, spoke in broken sentences, crying silently as Reinhart held her.
“No matter... no matter how much I... I looked... I couldn’t... couldn’t find... I asked... I asked you to... to come...”
“I’m sorry...”
‘It should be me comforting Reinhart, not the other way around,’ Ellen thought, even as she cried. Yet, she couldn’t stop her tears, because that’s just the way tears are.
***
It was a deep, dark night.
After crying for a long time, Ellen pulled away from my embrace, and stared blankly down at the Temple.
“...”
Reinhart didn’t explain what had happened, and Ellen didn’t ask.
Naturally, Reinhart felt restless.
After crying for a long time, Ellen suddenly stopped and stared blankly down at the night scene below. Renhart wondered if her heart had fully settled or not, and what he should do next.
In reality, it was the complete opposite.
Ellen was gritting her teeth. It wasn’t out of any emotion other than because she felt embarrassed.
Once her emotions settled, she realized what she had done.
She had been acting as if the world had ended just because her friend hadn’t shown up to the beauty contest. After crying for a long time, she finally realized what she had done.
It wasn’t as if he had been obligated to come.
Now that her heart felt lighter, it was Ellen who found it hard to endure the situation.
That was why she couldn’t speak, and just stared blankly down at the night scene.
Why had she felt as if she had lost the whole world over something so trivial? She couldn’t understand it.
Reinhart hadn’t been there, and because of that, she had felt as if the world had abandoned her.
Now, though, Reinhart was beside her, and just because of that, she felt better.
Ellen suddenly glared at Reinhart.
Now that she felt better, she felt a bit mischievous.
“Uh, um... What is it? Do you have something to say?” Reinhart stammered, still in a submissive posture. It looked like he would do anything she asked.
‘I need you to be here.’
Her sudden mischief faded just by looking at his face.
Ellen stood up from the bench.
Snow was falling, and considering how cold Reinhart’s body was, they couldn’t stay outside any longer.
“Aren’t you cold?”
“I can handle this much.”
As they started walking again, Ellen kept an eye on Reinhart.
“You’ve been outside all this time.”
Reinhart had been waiting outside, feeling guilty, wandering around in the cold.
Nonetheless, he walked along as if it was nothing.
“If you’re cold, we can go inside,” Ellen said, worried that Reinhart might catch a cold.
“... I just want to be with you like this.”
“Oh.”
Those words made Ellen’s heart skip a beat.
It seemed like nothing special.
He had said similar things to her before.
Now though, it seemed like any word or thought could affect her.
Ellen wondered if she was going crazy.
Just a moment ago, she’d felt lonely and abandoned by the world, but suddenly, she felt as if she had the whole world in her hands.
Could a person’s mood really swing so drastically in an instant?
‘Could one person really feel like everything to me?
‘If that person smiles at me, I feel happy. If that person liked me, I feel happy.
‘Could all my emotions stem from just one person? Is it okay for someone else to become the master of my life instead of myself?’
The two of them walked through the snowy night.
As they descended the slope, Reinhart glanced at Ellen.
“Be careful. You might slip and—whoa!”
Thud!
As he was trying to warn her not to slip, Reinhart ended up falling backward on the slope himself. Ellen, dumbfounded, tried to help him up.
Slip!
“Huh?”
Thud!
Ellen slipped too, landing on her bottom.
“... What are we doing?”
“Yeah, for real...”
The two stood up and dusted off their backsides.
Maintaining a reasonable distance, they continued walking through the snowy night.
From the bottom of the hill, they could hear the distant sounds of people reveling in the night along the brightly-lit Main Street.
Even at night, there were stores that were open 24 hours, selling food. Ellen’s gaze alternated between the bright lights and Reinhart’s face.
“... Do you want to go?” Reinhart asked.
Ellen nodded slightly, her cheeks flushed.
“... Yeah,” she said.
She hadn’t chosen this hour specifically, but since it happened to be this hour, she wanted to go.
They were together, on the first snowy night...
“If you want to go, then we should go.”
The festival was nearing its end.
It wasn’t the last night of the festival, just close to the end, yet Ellen felt like the festival was just beginning.
Only now, at the very end, when she could finally be alone with Reinhart, did Ellen feel the true essence of the festival.
***
Even past midnight, Main Street was bustling with people.
Alcohol wasn’t allowed within the Temple’s premises, but there were plenty of sights and activities to enjoy during the festival, even late at night.
And of course...
Nomnomnom.
In Ellen’s case, it was mostly about the food.
“This is good.”
“Oh, really?”
Ellen grumpily handed Reinhart a rice cake skewer, and he ate it silently.
The not-quite anger that she’d felt had already dissipated. However, Reinhart still seemed to feel guilty, and was following Ellen around without a word.
It wasn’t particularly cheerful.
They walked around, looking at various things, watching street performances, and buying food from stalls.
Naturally, Ellen felt a bit special that day.
—Isn’t that...?
—Huh? Oh yeah, it really is.
Reinhart couldn’t help but hear the whispers directed at them from the people around them.
A group of men and women cautiously approached and blocked their path, and Reinhart frowned as usual.
“What do you want, blocking our way—”
“Aren’t you Miss Temple?!”
Reinhart froze, while Ellen calmly nodded.
“Yes,” Ellen responded.
“What?” Reinhart uttered.
“Oh, I thought so... Even in casual clothes, you shine!”
Reinhart was dumbfounded, while Ellen nonchalantly acknowledge the group of admirers who were fussing over her.
“You... won?” Reinhart mumbled in disbelief, not having expected it at all, and Ellen, seeing his shocked reaction, began to pout.
“... Is that a problem?” Ellen asked.
“No, no. It’s not that. Not at all.”
Ellen, clearly upset, walked off briskly, her lips still in a pout.
***
It only took a warm lemon tea to soothe the pouting Ellen.
“I didn’t think you’d lose; it’s just that you didn’t say anything, so I thought... you didn’t win.”
“I get it.”
The two sat on a bench, sipping the warm tea. There had been huge crowds at both the contest venue and the parade, and those with keen eyes recognized Ellen even in her casual clothes.
Though no one directly approached them, many whispered as they passed by.
—Isn’t that Miss Temple?
—Seems like it.
—Who’s that next to her? Her boyfriend?
—Damn it.
—Why are you disappointed?
—Who said anything about being disappointed?
—Come on, she’s Miss Temple, and even from the Royal Class.
—Oh, really?
.
.
As people passed by, they all made comments about Ellen, and Reinhart couldn’t help but hear them too.
Ellen began to pout again, but for a different reason this time.
“It’s annoying.”
She seemed annoyed that she was being recognized. Ellen didn’t care about being Miss Temple or anything like that. She just found it bothersome that people recognized her.
The Miss Temple who had been showered with cheers and applause while dressed in a pure white dress was now wandering the winter night streets in a black tracksuit, holding a cup of herbal tea, fuming about being recognized.
Ellen glared at Reinhart. “This is all your fault.”
“... Uh... um. Sorry...”
Ellen hadn’t gotten what she’d wanted from the contest, but had to deal with all the repercussions of it. Her heated gaze left Reinhart utterly confounded, not knowing what to do.
Eventually, tired of being recognized, whispered about, and occasionally approached, Ellen left Main Street, along with Reinhart.
Since it was nighttime, the crowd thinned significantly once they left Main Street.
Snow was falling, and it was gradually accumulating on their heads and shoulders.
“... Congratulations on winning Miss Temple,” Reinhart said.
“... It doesn’t mean anything.”
“... Really?”
Ellen, who had entered the contest with different intentions, didn’t particularly want to hear congratulations, especially from Reinhart.
As they walked quietly, snow continued to pile up on their heads and shoulders.
“Hold still.”
“...?”
After walking for a while, Reinhart, seemingly bothered by something, stopped Ellen and brushed the snow off her shoulders and head.
Reinhart was about to begin walking again, but Ellen stopped and looked at his shoulders.
Snow had also accumulated there.
He hadn’t thought to brush off the snow on his own head and shoulders, and had only brushed off hers.
He probably hadn’t even thought about it.
Perhaps he could see the snow on her, but he hadn’t thought that snow would naturally accumulate on his own shoulders too, so he hadn’t brushed it off.
Ellen observed Reinhart quietly.
“... What is it?”
“...”
Ellen brushed the snow off Reinhart’s shoulders and head. As she did, she quietly said, “You’re an idiot.”
“... What?”
Confused by her sudden remark, Reinhart hurried to keep pace with Ellen as she started walking again.
Reinhart was a strange guy.
“You’re weird,” said Ellen.
“... I hear that a lot.”
Ellen continued walking. “I thought you were weird from the beginning, and I still think you’re weird now.”
“... Is that so?”
Ellen exhaled, her breath misting in the cold air, and took a sip of her herbal tea.
It had cooled down a bit, probably because she had been carrying it around for a while.
“But the weirdness that I first sensed about you and the weirdness I see now are... very different.”
“...”
The Reinhart who used to pick fights and argue with everyone, was a strange person.
However, after getting to know the many aspects of Reinhart over time, he seemed strange to her in a very different way.
“I sometimes wish you weren’t a weird person. But...”
Ellen sighed, sending out another puff of white mist, and looked at Reinhart. “If you weren’t weird, things wouldn’t have turned out like this.”
Ellen turned her gaze away from Reinhart and back to the path ahead.
“Did you even want to come today?” Ellen asked.
“Of course...”
“Don’t be vague.”
Ellen stopped walking and turned Reinhart around to face her, looking up at him directly.
She wanted a clear answer, and her gaze demanded it.
Their relationship was full of ambiguous words.
They always spoke indirectly, afraid that something might break if anything became certain. Ellen and Reinhart shared a strange relationship that was neither something nor nothing.
She had tried to make something clear today, but Reinhart hadn’t shown up, which made things ambiguous again.
But this time, she wanted to be certain.
Ellen looked straight into Reinhart’s eyes as if demanding him not to avoid the question.
“Did you want to see me today?” she asked him directly.
“...”
She wouldn’t hold it against him for not being able to turn up.
She wouldn’t ask what had happened.
She wouldn’t speak of her sorrow and sadness anymore.
Ellen demanded a clear answer.
Reinhart nodded. “Yes.”
But Ellen wasn’t satisfied with just that.
“How much?”
Reinhart considered her quietly.
After a long moment of contemplation, he finally spoke, as if he couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“... I think I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life that I couldn’t come today.”
“...”
‘For the rest of my life.’
‘Regret...’
Regret wasn’t a good word, but the combination of those two things resonated differently.
‘For the rest of my life.’
‘You are someone who can affect my entire life.’
It was as if she had heard those words.
“Do you want me to show you?” Ellen asked.
“Yes.”
At Reinhart’s immediate response, Ellen couldn’t help but burst into laughter.
He had such a foolish expression.
He had really wanted to come.
He really hadn’t been able to help it.
There was no need for countless excuses and reasons.
The immediate response to her question, and the foolish expression of his...
That expression erased the last remnants of resentment Ellen had.
***
The two of them returned to the dormitory.
“This is weird.”
—How weird?
“I can’t put it on by myself.”
A moment of silence.
—Ah... I see.
Ellen had tried to put on the dress she’d worn earlier on her own in her room, but it ended up a mess.
Since she couldn’t tighten the corset by herself, the dress ended up looking loose and unfinished.
Ellen had said that she would show it to Reinhart, but on the way back, she’d realized her error.
Riana had helped her put on that dress. Ellen realized on their way back that she couldn’t put it on by herself.
Even so, she still believed that she could somehow manage, and only realized it was impossible once she returned to the dormitory and tried to put on the dress herself.
It wasn’t Reinhart who’d gotten carried away by the atmosphere; it was Ellen.
Worries about not having makeup on or her hair being undone were pointless.
She couldn’t even put on her dress herself.
It was the wee hours of the morning, which meant she couldn’t wake up Riana, who was likely asleep.
She looked in the mirror and saw herself in a mess, the dress clumsily draped over her body.
There was no way she could show this to him.
“...”
Just when she thought it was going well, things turned out like this.
In the end, she couldn’t show it off.
Ellen was frustrated. Frustrated enough to stomp her foot on the floor.
Thud! Thud, thud!
—Wh-What’s wrong?!
“Nothing.”
Ellen, full of frustration, tried to take off the dress she had barely managed to put on.
Of course, dresses are difficult to put on and take off.
Crash!
In the end, Ellen tripped and fell.
“...”
—What in the world is going on in there?