Apocalypse Redux

Chapter 227: A Simple Invitation

Isaac errected his anti-eavesdropping field and picked up the call, but instead of a voice emanating from the device as it was supposed to, it came from the air right in front of him, accompanied by an image of Außenministers Gunnar Krause, hanging in midair as though a tablet running a video conference had been teleported there.

So the foreign minister had a [Skill] that turned any call with him into a face-to-face meeting. Yeah, that wouldn’t go terribly. Isaac would prompt someone to ask what would happen if he used that ability on someone in the middle of a delicate operation or a fight. Isaac would have asked that himself, but that accusation would not have made the best impression right now.

“Herr Außenminister.” Isaac greeted, going full stone face. He didn’t trust his acting skills to beat a veteran politician, but an impassive mask that gave away absolutely nothing, backed by [Hundred Faces], should do the trick. Besides, officially, Isaac had no idea what this call was about, so he had a good excuse for a neutral greeting and expression.

“Dr. Thoma, I wanted to thank you for your continued efforts to ensure that the country we call our home makes a full transition into the world of the [System], your efforts have made an impact well beyond what most people will achieve in their lifetime.”

Well, it was true, but the buttering-up was a bit blatant, wasn’t it?

“Thank you.” Isaac said “Can I ask why you decided to have this conversation now? I’m guessing it has something to do with the monkey playing negotiator-tag behind me?”

“Negotiator … tag?” Krause asked, barest hints of a frown appearing on his forehead “The press coverage just shows him running around.”

“There are multiple parties trying to get him involved in some kind of deal, and he keeps running away mid-sentence, moving just far enough that it looks like catching up to him is a viable option. He’s also telling each of them different things, half of them are convinced that his surname is Sun, and the others think it’s Wukong. And that’s just the start.”

Krause frowned more noticeably this time “My notes say the surname is Sun, that is correct … right?”

And now, the monkey king was confusing people on the other side of the globe, who he hadn’t even met yet.

“Yes.” Isaac said “His whole name translates as ‘monkey awakened to emptiness’, with Sun meaning ‘monkey’ however, that portion of his name can also be read as the traditional Chinese surname ‘Sun’, and used the same Chinese character, it was also explicitly given to him as a surname, so if you want to address him as ‘Mr. Last name’, use that.”

It certainly hadn’t offended him in the other timeline, so it should be fine in this one.

“Thank you,” Krause said. On his desk, Isaac could see another sticky note appear, detailing the proper means of address.

“Like you already said, this has to do with the monkey king. We’re hoping to enter negotiations with him, and as the man on the ground, I’d like to ask you to help convince him to hear us out.”

“Alright, but I do have a few conditions,” Isaac said.

“Conditions?”

Isaac had to give the minister credit for self-control, most people’s eyebrows would have been crawling off their head at that proclamation.

“[Heir-Classes] have a mindset component, which means that any potential inheritor needs to be somewhat similar to their forbearer. And the original Monkey King is … a lot. Impulsive, seriously lacking in self-control, and while he isn’t volatile, precisely, he will blow his top in situations where most people would calm down and take a breath. He’s picked a fight with all of heaven over not being given a grand enough title, and at a later occasion, wandered through it, demolishing quite a chunk of it.

“He’s not evil or malicious, mind you, but with how much collateral damage he inflicts when he’s serious, it doesn’t really matter, does it?

“The inheritor used to be human, so he should be a bit more reasonable than a literal monkey, but the exact opposite might be true, he might decide to start breaking rules just for the hell of it.”

Krause nodded “You want me to take responsibility for what he does so that nothing falls back on you.”

Isaac nodded. That hadn’t been a question, but he was going to answer it anyway.

“I’ll help, but I want you to take full responsibility for how this turns out, good or bad, with no mention of my involvement beyond the bare minimum needed for the official documentation.”

Krause nodded “I can do that.”

“I need to hear you say it,” Isaac said. That way, he could later state that the minister had promised to take care of the situation in depth.

Krause did so and Isaac had to suppress a grin. Unless the Sun did something spectacularly stupid/destructive/lethal, it wouldn’t fall back on Isaac. Of course, if the Monkey King killed someone or even multiple people, that wouldn’t matter, but any havoc below that level was something that Isaac was mostly ok with, as long as he wasn’t footing the bill.

“Also, I have two more conditions.” Isaac continued “First, I’m not a bargaining chip. My help, my training, the [Skills] I teach … please don’t make promises that I have to repay. I get that a series of free epic-rarity [Skills] and training to use them to their greatest effect make for a good offer, but I’m doing a lot of important work, and there are obligations I have to obey.”

Krause didn’t look like he liked that, but he didn’t say anything against it. It was a decently well-known fact amidst Germany’s movers and shakers that Isaac had a standing invitation to emigrate to South Korea. He’d never threatened to use it, but most people correctly assumed that that was what would happen if someone used the “you’re a German citizen, I’m a member of the German government, listen to what I order you to do” argument. He wanted to save the world, but he didn’t necessarily have to do that from Germany.

“And the second?” the minister asked, no small amount of dread swinging along in his voice.

“You don’t offer to let him fight in the arena at Etzel island, or at the university summoning rooms. They wouldn’t survive a single battle with him, and if they get trashed, that brings all of the research that’s made the transition so manageable to a screeching halt.”

“I can see how that would be prudent.” Krause said after a long pause “I’ll make sure it’s off the table.”

“No, don’t do that, if you tell him he isn’t allowed to go there, he’ll might try out of spite.” Isaac said “Just don’t mention it, and offer to build him a separate arena just for him. He’ll be happy with the 5-star treatment, and when it gets trashed, we have abuilt-in excuse for why we can’t keep summoning Kaijus for him.”

“That’s a good idea,” Krause said “So, I take full responsibility, no promises on your behalf, no letting him use the current governmental summoning rooms. Anything else?”

Isaac grinned and started to pace as he began to list off things on his fingers.

“There are some things I need you to do so this might work. First, we need bait. Good food, a whole feast’s worth. Get a good-sized conference or official dining room, and cover the table in food. Really good food, not the fancy fare you feed the ambassadors.

“Currywurst and fries, Knödel and Schweinshaxen, giant pretzels and Weißwurst. Typical, hearty German food from the kinds of restaurants Berlin locals go to. And then toss in a few of the more high-priced, visually appealing dishes from the ambassadorial restaurants as decoration.

“For drinks, beer by the barrelful from the oldest still working brewery in Freising, some beer from Berlin’s Hofbräuhaus, also by the barrelful, and a selection of good microbreweries, I don’t drink much beer, but I’m sure you can find an expert. Also, a selection of wine focussed on vintages that taste good over prestige.

“Do you still have spare charges on the [Evacation Portal]?” Isaac asked. That [Skill] was one most countries had access to and it allowed them to connect consulates and embassies to the capital a few times a week. The idea behind it was that the staff could be rescued in case of an emergency, though it normally got used to ship people around the globe.

Krause nodded.

“In that case, could you use one charge to fetch us from the Houston consulate, if I can get him there?” Isaac asked, and Krause agreed.

“Alright, we need to talk about how you’re going to approach the situation.” Isaac added “He doesn’t have the greatest attention span, don’t give him a dozen pages that basically boil down to ‘we give you what you want, you kill monsters for us’.

“A simple, common-sense agreement will have to do, else he’ll tune you out before you can finish discussing the first page. Also, if you manage to sneak a clause past him because he’s not a lawyer, then he’ll ignore it, break the agreement and eat the penalty. The same goes for a situation where he feels like you’re trying to pull one over on him because the agreement is too long.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” Krause said.

“The ‘intelligent summoning pledge’ is a contract that states that the signee won’t summon a monster that is likely to cause trouble, a very simple statement. Tell me, how long is that particular piece of paperwork?”

Krause awkwardly scratched at his neck “I’m not that familiar with it, I don’t summon, but I’d guess around five pages?”

Oh, sweet summer child.

“The German government turned a document that simple into a forty-page monstrosity,” Isaac said flatly “Like I said, prioritize intelligibility over making it airtight. But don’t treat him like a kid or an idiot, he’s not stupid, he just has a short attention span. Absurdly overpay him, but don’t make him feel like you’re just humoring him.”

With every passing sentence, Krause grew more nervous. The visual clues weren’t significant, but they were still clearly visible to Isaac.

“Anything else?”

“Yeah.” Isaac nodded “You need to figure out what you’re going to do when shit hits the fan. This is going to go well until it isn’t, and then, the damage could be everything from an entire city not having any sweets or booze because he ate it all, to said city being turned into a crater.

“What I’ve seen so far from him is chaos and while he might improve when he’s not being screamed at by a pissed-off Marine, I wouldn’t rely on it. The Monkey King might be a fun-loving goober who helps us when the chips are down, but one we have clean up after sometimes. Or he might be an elemental force of nature who does whatever he wants, regardless of the damage that inflicts upon his surroundings and the people who live there.

“And keep in mind that overt preparations will piss him off.”

Krause nodded “If things start looking like they’re going to develop in that direction, we’ll be ready. Having someone who can smash any errant [Raid Bosses] flat isn’t worth it if he causes more damage in a single day than he prevents in a month.”

Isaac had the distinct feeling he was just being humored, but as long as plans were being made and preparations were in place, he was fine with that.

Isaac said his goodbyes, promised to send Sun the minister’s way, and hung up.

At the end of the day, he was fine with stuff being broken and politicians who tried to interact with Sun being embarrassed. As long as the Monkey King’s worst impulses didn’t see the light of day, things were going to be alright.

And speaking off the troublesome birdbrain, he was currently back to examining the Dragon, with the rocks stuffed in his ears making it abundantly clear that he was ignoring everyone trying to talk to him.

[Hunter’s Gaze] activated for the second time as Isaac stared at him. He’d scanned the monkey the first time he’d seen him, but now, he had the time to really take in everything his [Skill] told him.

Those Stats were insane.

Mountainous Strength, more than double his own.

At 600, Isaac’s Agility was higher, but the margin was far smaller than he’d expected.

Isaac also had him beat in Perception, but once again, by less than he’d hoped. And Sun could definitely hear everything going on around him, rocks or no rocks.

Fortitude was a wholly different story, it was Sun’s second-highest stat.

And, of course, he had a ton of powerful physical Aspects from rock, air, fire, and monkey monsters.

Meanwhile, his Magic stats were in the pits, he could barely summon Tier 7 monsters, let alone Tier 8s. Now that he thought about it, that explained a lot about how he’d been in the other timeline.

He’d kept sniping powerful monsters from their summoners and fighting the most powerful hordes until he’d eventually died when a particularly diverse horde had had too many different attack types and overwhelmed his defenses.

Sure, he could have summoned monsters on his own, but at some point, they’d stop giving him XP.

And as for having others summon for him, his antics hadn’t exactly made him popular with the world at large.

Isaac suspected that this whole thing had then spiraled into the legendary rampages that had made him assume the Monkey King would grow to be a problem in this timeline as well.

Or, of course, he could still just be a loose canon who’d inevitably become a huge problem.

At least he had an idea of how he could eventually drive Sun away from his most destructive tendencies, all the while making sure to keep a plan for kicking him out in his back pocket.

Fully having one of the strongest combat-focused S-Rankers on his side and possibly even willing to play ball when it came to coordinated combat … that would be the dream. But at this point, Isaac was fully willing to settle for “not actively being a nuisance”.

Time to wrap this up.

“Hey, Mr. Sun, you’ve got a claim to most of the dragon’s body. Can I have one scale to see if I’m right about what the special loot is?”

“What do you think it does?” Sun asked, holding out one of the requested objects.

“I think you can melt it and turn it into armor that bonds to your skin,” Isaac said as he took it and summoned a weak, campfire-strength flame into his palm. The carapace immediately liquefied, dropped down onto his palm, and hardened once more, practically becoming impossible to see. As both the human and stone monkey stared at the patch of altered skin, it continued to grow more and more indistinct until there was no way to tell it was there.

Sun immediately began to poke at the spot, completely ignoring Isaac’s personal space. Urgh.

“Hey, awesome! Do me next!”

Isaac shook his head “We can’t take that many without doing a proper loot distribution.”

“Bo-oring.” Sun groaned.

“Eh, shouldn’t take too long.” Isaac said, “The original summoners fucked this up badly enough that they lost all rights to the body and you did most of the work.”

And indeed, things went by pretty quickly. Isaac told everyone he’d figured out what the loot was, let a couple of people experimentally poke his armored palm, and that was that.

Of course, he’d remove that armor with [True Cut] later and create a lattice of concentrated scales later, when he’d gotten his hand on some more scales.

The division of the loot went by stunningly quickly. Kade was more than happy to get the hyperactive primate out of his hair and streamlined the process.

Of course, the various people trying to get Sun to do something weren’t happy he was about to leave, but asking the Lieutenant to delay matters while the Monkey King, having since taken the rocks out of his ears, was listening in … bad idea. Very bad idea.

Isaac’s phone had buzzed with the needed message a while ago, and now, he could put the full plan into action.

“Oh, and Mr. Sun, the German government has prepared a feast for you, no strings attached, if you’re interested.

“… well, a bunch of diplomats will probably be talking at you, but you can just tune them out if you’re not interested and pack away the leftovers in a spatial ring.” Isaac amended with a wry grin “Anyway, I’m getting something to bribe my sisters with so they’re not mad at me for running over here, then heading back home via a portal in the German consulate in Houston. If you’re interested in a mountain of food, feel free to join me.”

With that, Isaac began to walk off at a slow pace, more than enough for the Monkey King to catch up in a matter of seconds once he’d stuffed his loot into storage.

“So, what kind of food did you get?”

Isaac shrugged “I haven’t seen it yet, but I’m told it’s good food, not the fancy stuff that takes hours to come out of the kitchen and is ninety percent air. Also, if I understood things correctly, there’s beer by the barrelful and great wine.”

“That sounds great!” Sun exclaimed and accelerated so quickly that he unleashed a sonic boom, kicking up a huge cloud of dust in the process.

Isaac chuckled under his breath and caught up easily, at which point the monkey used some kind of movement [Skill] to fling himself further in huge leaps. Isaac just poured on more speed, at which point Sun decided to go even faster.

If there’d been more space available, this might have escalated into a serious race, but they’d arrived at the city already and moving that quickly would have caused all sorts of problems.

Isaac fished his ID out of his pocket when approaching the embassy, but as it turned out, he needn’t have bothered, they were already rolling out the red carpet, with the smell of the feast wafting out of the already-established portal.

Sun was through in a flash while Isaac followed at a more leisurely pace.

“So, I hope you enjoy, I have to go fetch my sisters from their babysitter. Have fun.”

Sun, turned around and waved, then all but dove into the food. Half a grilled chicken vanished in a single chomp, a baked potato wasn’t even unwrapped before it vanished down his gullet, and that was only the start.

The “fancy trash” food got a chuckle before Sun tossed it into the air and caught it with his mouth.

Isaac called Arthur and got a portal that lead him straight back to Camelot, where he was enthusiastically greeted by the twins, with Viktoria glomping onto one of his legs while Tanja hopped onto one of his shoulders.

“Hey, can you have another emergency in England soon?” she asked with a cheeky grin on her face “We had a lot of fun with the knights.”

“I don’t think we need an emergency for that.” Isaac said, then turned to face Arthur “Thank you so much for looking after them, I’m really sorry about this.”

“Nah, we had fun, though a bit more of a warning would be good, next time.” Arthur said, “Though I have no earthly idea how it’s possible for someone as measured as you to be related to someone that hyperactive.”

“Mystery of genetics.” Isaac chuckled “I constantly wonder about that too. By the way, the Monkey King might be moving to Germany, if things go well.”

“Congratulations, or condolences?” Elena asked.

“No clue, we’ll have to wait and see,” Isaac told her.

The three of them ended up going back to Berlin through the still-open portal, then he took the twins to his home so they could go to bed. Once they were sound asleep, he began to make plans, contingencies for every possible outcome of the negotiations, including utter disaster. But he’d barely been at that for five seconds before he received word that the Monkey King would be staying in Germany.

One of the smaller mountains in the German Alps was being transformed into a tropical paradise, with enchantments warming it up while exotic plants were being speed-grown by [Horticulturists]. Soon, he’d get an awesome home there as well, and the government was, for the first time in the history of the country, paying college students to party. After all, Sun getting bored would be … bad.

***

The next day, once the twins were at school, Isaac visited the mountain soon to be renamed “The Mountain of Flowers and Fruit”. They were vastly, insanely, overpaying this guy.

But there were ways to get something out of this.

The Monkey King was lounging around on the mountaintop, watching the goings-on when Isaac approached him.

“Hey Doc, how’s it going?” he asked, casually pulling an apple from his storage device and swallowing it in a single bite.

“Pretty well.” Isaac said “Say, I had an idea: my [Heir-Class] lets me summon all sorts of cool gear and I was wondering if that was true for you as well. Because if it is, that has to be murder on your mana.”

“Maybe.” Sun said, “Why do you ask?”

“Because I just so happen to be good friends with the world’s greatest blacksmith, and he can either make you a better outfit or re-create your current one as a physical object, one you don’t have to pay upkeep for. He gets almost all the monster materials I don’t need, and he’s got a couple of copies of powerful artifacts lying around. For example, there’s this helmet that’s almost indestructible …”

Convincing Sun to visit Stagmer with Isaac wasn’t all that difficult after that. Getting him to let the blacksmith and a few others look at his boots and staff wasn’t much more difficult.

Five hours later, the Monkey King walked out of the crafting village utterly covered in fancy-looking jewelry and expensive clothing … which Isaac had paid for. But Cloud Walking Boots were already being experimented with, and Stagmer was furiously working on creating a lesser version of Ruyi Jingu Bang. Expensive in terms of money, sure, but the gains were well beyond what he’d lost.

And hopefully, this would only be the start of a fruitful relationship.